The price of choice
by The lazy stalker
Summary: You plan for peace, and you plan for war. That's the secret to always win. Feedback is always welcomed, ALWAYS.
1. Chapter 1

A million thanks to my beta HungryDemon who helped greatly with the quality of my writing.

Disclaimer: I own squat, do you think if I actually owned any of this franchises I would be writing fanfics about them? Heck no! I would be rolling around in sweet sweet money.

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Chapter 1

It was a beautifully clear morning in the Highlands, a kind of calm permeated the atmosphere, the air was crisp, the sun was bright and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was the kind of rare morning that makes you want to go out and do something outside because it seems as if the possibilities are endless, as if anything could and would happen. Of course, none of this mattered to the two bored watchmen sitting on a sentry tower, gazing towards the ocean, waiting patiently for their shift to be over so they could go home and get some sleep.

"T'was the most incredible thing I ever saw, it was. One second it's a bear, then the lass covers it with some curtain an' bam, The Queen was there." The watchman made some elaborate gestures with his arms "Who would've thought magics like those were real?"

"A know Ewan, A was there! Ye think a don' remember a bloody bear turning into the Queen?" The other guard shook his head in exasperation "It's been six months and I'm already sick of that story."

"Jus' making conversation is all." Ewan responded. "Don't need to bite me head off."

"Then do yer job an let me do mine!"

"Job?" Ewan laughed. "Ye expect something to happen out here? Pixies? A sea monster? Maybe a ship full of Vikings…" Ewan's voice trailed off at the last one.

"Jus' cause I take ma job seriously doesn't mean you can jus'…"

"No, no!" Ewan pointed towards the ocean "That's a Viking warship in ta distance!"

"Yer sure?"

"'Course I'm bloody sure! No one's daft enough to sail a ship like tha!"

The other guard was already on his feet, "a'll go warn the village. Ye take a horse an go warn the king!"

"Aye." Ewan started making his way down from the observation post. _An it was such a good morning, too._

XxX

_Castle Dunbroch_

The night watchman rode as swiftly as he could towards the imposing castle in the distance and was quickly let through when he told the guards he had important news for the king. He was led to the dining hall were the royal family enjoyed their breakfast. King Fergus was animated as usual, retelling the tale of Mor'du, now with a new ending, he was in the middle of miming the queen attacking Mor'du, much to her chagrin, when the door swung open.

"Yer Majesty! Yer Majesty I bring ill tidings from the coast"

The king's expression didn't change; it was as if nothing could destroy his good cheer. "Well, spill it already."

"The Vikings, Yer Majesty, there's a Viking ship approaching."

That, however, did.

"What! Those stinking savages! If they think they can jus walk here an take what they please they got another tin comin!

Fergus screamed for the guards and started barking orders, getting ready to depart; he stopped cold at the door of the dining hall when he heard his wife's voice.

"I am coming as well." Her tone left no room for argument. Fergus did it anyway.

"Absolutely nae! It's dangerous."

"Something about this is not right Fergus, I can feel it! I am going with you, whether you want me to or not."

Fergus sighed and hugged his love. Ever since the incident with Mor'du six months ago something had changed within the Queen, it was hard to pinpoint exactly what it was, but she seemed more aware, more observant; and when she had gut feeling either good or bad it always came true. Some people had even started whispering that not all of the bear had left and that she now had a deeper connection with the spirits of the land.

"Very well, but ye will not gae close to any fighting ye understand?"

"I will no get in the way of your fighting my King. I just feel that I must go with you, that it is important I be there by your side."

It was mid-afternoon when the king arrived at the small port town of Invernes and the Viking ship seemed to be taking its sweet time getting there, leisurely advancing at a slow pace.

King Fergus was tempted to just grab a few boats, fill them with warriors and take the fight to them, but Vikings were masters of nautical warfare and taking the clash to where they had the advantage would not do him any favors. Instead he used the opportunity to properly prepare: he had the town evacuated and filled it with soldiers, built a camp outside of town for the Queen and reinforcements in case they had some nasty surprise waiting for them, and still the ship hadn't arrived.

The troops were starting to get nervous.

"Wot is taking them so bloody long?"

"Calm down laddie, or yer gonnae keel over before the tussle even starts."

"Is jus' that it's strange is all, why are they coming so slowly?"

"Shut up!" The King roared, having overheard the conversation. His voice gradually rose in volume until he was shouting "If those arrogant savages give us enough time to prepare then I say we make them pay for their mistake. In blood!" he punctuated his statement with a war shout that was echoed by all.

When the Viking ship finally docked the last thing anyone expected to see coming out of it was a single Viking waving a white flag. When some of the soldiers recognized the Viking doing the deed, the murmurs started anew. The man was somewhat tall and skinnier than anyone would have expected a Viking to be. He had a surprisingly well shaved face and was dressed in the crude clothes of a Viking: brown pants and a heavy winter coat made of animal furs stitched together over a green wool tunic, a thick leather belt and a huge broadsword strapped to his back finished the ensemble.

It was his helmet that gave away his identity, two dark horns pointing backwards in such a way that anyone standing behind him would have to be careful not to get stabbed in the face. Only one man was known to wear a helmet like that.

"Backstab the Cunning." The King growled.

"Fergus the Bear King, I presume?"

"You should know by now Vikings aren't welcomed in these lands!"

The king's declaration was confirmed by the roar of the soldiers behind him.

"I just came to talk." The Viking lifted a small chest he was carrying with his other hand. "I even brought you a present."

Fergus was just about to retort something along the lines of _I _didn't, and start the attack when the words of his wife stopped him; he actually had to turn around to make sure she wasn't there. Grimacing as if he swallowed something nasty he nodded.

"Do not think fer even one second that A believe ye. But if it will save lives I'll humor ye. Try anything funny and you'll have ten spears in yer hide before ye finish blinking."

"Fair enough, I suppose."

"Ten men with me! The rest of you: If someone else comes off that boat fill them full of pointy things!" A second roar answered him.

Backstab was led to a camp outside of town where he saw even more soldiers waiting for them. _Reinforcements, _he thought, this made him smile for some reason. They stopped outside a big tent surrounded by guards.

"Wait here until I call ye." He turned to one of the guards. "Ye know what to do." And entered the tent.

"All right, off with yer weapons!"

The Viking gave the guard a strange look but complied with taking off the broadsword on his back, and a dagger from his belt, and another, and another, from his boots, his coat, his sleeves, his pants, a total of twelve daggers of various shapes and sizes were handed to the guard.

"Is that all? Are ye sure?"

"I can still kill you with my bare hands. Does that count?"

Another guard approached the Viking. "I'll just check ye to make sure."

"Don't touch me!" Backstab took a step back and glared at the second guard. "I don't like being touched!"

The guard ignored him.

When king Fergus went back outside he was greeted by the sight of one of his guards carrying a small armory, another frozen in place with one of his arms extended as if to grab something and the rest pointing their spears at a bored looking Backstab.

"I'm not gonnae ask. Follow me."

"Your guards need to learn more manners."

"Shut up!"

The inside of the tent was decorated with a few shields and the banner of the Dunbroch clan. The Viking sat at one end of rectangular table and idly noted a goblet filled with wine set before him, he was surprised to find Queen Elinor sitting on the opposite end of the table. The meeting didn't start officially until the King took a seat by her side.

"Backstab the Cunning." Fergus began.

"Knifenut Thorston, at your service. That whole Backstab business is just a nickname I picked up somewhere."

Fergus rolled his eyes. "I wonder why?"

The Viking's smirked. "It's kind of self-explanatory."

"So it is. But tell me. What makes ye think you'll be allowed back on yer ship? Yer a wanted man after all. A very wanted man."

"And here I thought you didn't like me." The Viking scratched his chin. "But seriously? Two reasons: The first one is that the execution of a foreign dignitary-" Fergus snorted at that "-is cause for war. The second…" His voice trailed off as if he suddenly realized something. "Say, that was a pretty impressive show of force back at the dock. All those soldiers, and in the town too, not to mention the reinforcements and all those extras that I'm sure aren't supposed to leave the Queen's side for any reason."

He smiled rather predatorily. "It's amazing how many people can be mobilized by the sight of a slowly approaching Viking warship. Tell me, did you pull any of those men from Kiltton? From Underbridge maybe? From both of them perhaps? That would make them very tempting targets for faster, more discreet ships. The kinds of ships that could easily sneak around while everyone else was looking elsewhere."

Knifenut stared intensely at the pair. "The price of my life is two under defended port towns razed to the ground."

The Queen paled with dread while King Fergus turned red with rage. "You murderous monster!"

"Calm yourself before you keel over. I haven't done anything but provide myself a means of escape. The axe is in your hands as they say."

"Why you!"

"You will both stop this pointless posturing immediately!"

Queen Elinor had recovered her composure as she realized that: as the Viking in front of her was using the towns as hostages for his life; the longer they stood around talking, the more danger those people were in. She had to get rid of him as quickly as possible. Vikings were not known for their patience.

"Tell us what you have come here to say and leave."

The raider nodded. "Regardless of my past intentions whenever I stepped in your lands, today I have come to tell you a story." He paused for a second to check their reactions: Queen Elinor remained impassive wile King Fergus had a look on his face that clearly meant 'how stupid do you think I am?'

Knifenut decided to direct his effort towards the Queen.

"For the last 300 years the Vikings of Berk have been in a constant war against an enemy more powerful than what you can imagine, and then suddenly we're not. I won't bore you with the details, but know this, for the first time in 300 years there is peace, but for how long? Peace is such a fragile thing, don't you agree?"

Knifenut picked up his goblet and eyed the contents wearily before putting it back down.

"Right now everyone's happy." _Well, mostly everyone_. An image of Mildew came to his mind. "Three centuries of constant war is a bit much, even for us Vikings, and right now everyone's enjoying a much needed vacation."

He laughed as if it that was some kind of private joke and continued.

"Eventually people will start to get twitchy; we have been fighting for too long, it's a part of who we are now, before long we'll fight again. So don't be surprised if the next wave of raids you encounter is done on the backs of dragons."

Fergus couldn't take it anymore. "An ye came all this way to brag about it!"

"Fergus!" The Queen admonished lightly. "Get to the point Captain Knifenut."

The Viking's eyes narrowed for a second before he caught himself.

"My point is that the times are changing, and so, the chief of Berk Stoic the Vast has thought it wise to try and extend the peace, to other long time enemies. In other words, I have come to propose an alliance."

The stomachs of both monarchs dropped at those words. They knew what an arrangement like that would entail.

The Queen recovered first. "If it is peace you are truly after, you and your clan will not be denied. But know this, the times are changing for us too, and if you had plans to cement this alliance with marriage, you must know that whomever you pick for such endeavor will have to win her heart before he even thinks to have her hand."

"That is not negotiable." The King growled out.

"Her heart?" Knifenut looked flabbergasted "You mean love?" he rolled the word around as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. "And how do you propose we do that? I doubt you would lend us the princess for a proper Viking courtship."

"Is that what you call whacking them over the head with a mace?"

"The wife never complained, said it got her on the mood."

"Be that as it may," Queen Elinor interrupted before both males started bickering. "You are correct in your assumption that we will not 'lend' you the princess, however…"

"Ye can bring who ye chose here and he'll be given the same chances as her _other _suitors." Fergus's tone and giant smile clearly showed how likely he thought the chances of his daughter falling for some Viking.

Knifenut mulled it over for a minute. "I can work with that. Very well; if everything goes smoothly then the chief's only son, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third will arrive in two months time, carrying a rough draft of the alliance treaty so you can go over it."

"That is acceptable, now please leave."

At the Queen's dismissal Knifenut bit back a proper Viking retort and put on a big smile. "Don't be so hasty, Your Majesty, just one more thing and I will go. Presents!"

He stood and placed the chest he had been carrying on the table.

"I wouldn't use it in a fight if I were you, and don't play around with it, its probably still poisonous, oh and don't worry about your guard he'll be able to move again in a few hours."

XxX

_Some time later; aboard the Viking ship._

"How'd it go, boss?"

"Both better and worse than I expected it. At least I managed to get rid of that gaudy thing Craftnut made for me."

"He's gonna be pissed when he finds out you know?"

"Are you kidding me? He got to create a symbol of peace between two previously warring nations. He'll be ecstatic."

"'Cept we're not at war, or a nation, an they probably chucked that thing in the trash by now."

Knifenut waved off the other Viking in a way that clearly meant he would handle it and ordered a signal sent to the other ships. As he saw twin streamers of fire going towards the distance he took a minute to marvel at the youngest Haddock's cleverness, to be able to replicate the look, if not the intensity or the destruction of a dragon's fire took a special kind of talent. He never got the whole story of how he did it; something about a Nadder's breath and Hiccup and the Ingerman boy getting stuck on an island without their dragons. It didn't matter anyway. The important part was that they had a way to signal other ships that no one else could imitate.

He turned to look at the retreating mainland and growled softly, he didn't actually gave a Gronkle's fart about making peace with a bunch of skirt wearing Highlanders, but he had plans, glorious plans that required Stoic's son married off to someone without Viking blood, and some airheaded princess was perfect. But now that that part was in question, he felt like he had made the trip in vain. No matter! He would make this work in his favor somehow, he would not have his people's glorious destiny ruined by something as stupid as a teenager inability to score.

"All right people; let's go kill ourselves some Goths!"

The cheer that answered him was music to his ears.

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**Chapter 1 is all done, yay, remember to review, what did you like what did you not like etc. And while you're at it could someone tell me what is Merricup week and why did it start on a Wednesday? Is it one of those fake holidays pushed down our throats by fat-cat multinational corporations to sell merchandise? Is that it!? IS IT!? (pant, pant.) Sorry about that.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I own not a thing, all characters and franchises used in this work of fiction are the property of people who are not me, seriously, not even one of them is me.**

**Many thanks to my beta HungryDemon who takes the slop I write and turns it in to something readable.**

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Chapter two

As soon as the Viking raider was out of sight, King Fergus ordered his forces to check on the two towns they had used as a way to escape. Once done, both monarchs watched silently as the ship shrunk in the distance. They were suitably surprised when they saw twin fireballs emerge from the ship and race off in opposite directions.

The queen was suddenly reminded of a slip-up the Viking made that sounded much too deliberate to be one. _So don't be surprised if the next wave of raids is done on the backs of dragons. _At the time she dismissed it as the barbarian trying to be poetic, mere posturing; gods knew the lords loved making outrageous claims, but now a seed of doubt was planted in her mind. Had she not been turned into a bear just six month ago? Still, if that was a possibility, why did he merely hint at it instead of pushing aggressively as any other Viking would? She gave a very un-royal sigh. All her questions only led to more questions. She needed more information.

Her husband looked at her with concern. "Are ye fine love?"

"I just want to go home, my king."

"Aye." He nodded and started barking orders in case the Vikings returned.

Queen Elinor heard none of it, too engrossed in her own thoughts. _How am going to break this to Merida? _She and her daughter had undoubtedly gotten closer in the months following her incident, and while Merida had gotten better at thinking before acting, her daughter still possessed a fiery temperament and a stubborn streak a mile long. She would also have to calm down the lords, who would certainly throw a fit over an alliance with hated enemies, even if it was only one of the tribes.

"… an woot the heck happened to Sheamus? Forget it A donae want to know anymore, tell me about it tomorrow!"

The Queen smiled despite herself, regardless of the situation, nothing brought her husband down.

_Nighttime, Castle Dunbroch._

The first thing Elinor did when she was welcomed home by her children was to envelop her daughter in a bone-crushing hug. "My darling Merida, you have grown in to a wonderful beautiful person right before my eyes!"

The redhead was caught off guard by the sudden affection, but returned the hug nonetheless.

"Mum?"

The Queen's mind was already elsewhere talking to a vassal. "I need to talk to Seacht as soon as possible. Arrange a meeting, you know what to do."

"At once, my Queen."

Merida just stood there dumfounded, staring at her dad. "Woot the heck was that!?" Then winced as she heard, "A princess does not curse, honey," from further in the castle.

"Yer mother is jus tired dear, we'll tell ye all aboot it tomorrow," Fergus told her.

Next morning Fergus watched his wife calmly brushing her hair by the window, apparently deep in thought. At least she didn't looked so worried anymore, he knew over thinking any situation could be problematic, leaving yourself open to doubt when simple action was necessary was dangerous. He himself wasn't too worried as he was sure things would work out in the end. Sure, they might end up in a war with bloody savages, but it wasn't as if they were on friendly terms anyway. Nothing would change, a good Scott would never run away from a fight and if the Vikings came, the clans would beat them again.

"Woot are ye thinking love?"

"I believe the situation it is not as dreary as I imagined it yesterday. I'm more concerned about Merida and how she will react to the news. She is a strong girl, brave and willful, but she is still too impulsive. I failed to realize that last time and it almost caused a war."

"Bah, she's a good lass, an things will be fine. We'll put up with some smelly Viking for a little while an' kick him out when she doesn't pick him. At worst he'll try to kidnap her or she'll pump him full of arrows, no loss there."

"You speak of this as if it were a laughing matter."

Fergus laughed. "If someone tries anything with Merida, a sword in his gut is the least of his worries."

When Merida and her brothers sat down to have breakfast, she felt glad that her mother looked like she was over what was bothering her last night. She strolled confidently to the table to hear what it was her father was making faces about.

"…do we really need Seacht fer this?"

"He is one of your most loyal men. I will never understand why you do not like him."

"Because he keeps making googily eyes at ye!"

The queen rolled her eyes in a most undignified manner. "Honestly Fergus. He is just being friendly."

"Aye, being friendly with me wife!"

The queen hid a smile, that particular vassal being one of the few things she could tease her husband about. She greeted her children and scolded the triplets for trying to feed their breakfast to the dogs.

"Merida." She put aside the salmon she was eating. "Your father has something important to tell you."

"Now?" Fergus looked surprised and went thru a series of expression as he tried to figure out how to break the news to his daughter before turning to his wife for some help. The calm look on her face told him he was alone in this. Finally, he decided to carry on as delicately he could, counting on his many years as King to tell his daughter the news with tact and subtlety.

"Yer getting another suitor!"

Elinor palmed her face.

"What!" Merida immediately leaped out of her seat; her head darted between her parents, eyes asking for an explanation. She got one from the Queen.

"Yesterday," She began in a tone Merida immediately recognized as her 'royal tone', "A Viking ship was sighted just off the coast of Invernes. Instead of an attack, we found that the Vikings came looking for an alliance between our kingdom and their tribe, as you already know, such political moves usually involve a marriage contract between the parties involved."

Merida covered her face with her hands. "This is a nightmare. Tell me yer joking, Dad!"

"Yes, well, ye see… it's like this, umm…"

She turned to her mother. "How can ye do this to me? Wasn't last time enough? A already have three suitors, ain't that plenty already!? An' now yer telling me A have to marry some Viking?

"Merida!" The Queen responded with some fire in her voice "You do not _have _to marry anyone! The deal we made still stands with the lords and it will stand with the Vikings as well," Her tone softened. "Not a thing we do is without consequences-" Merida flinched at that. "-Postponing your decision will make more people try to win your hand."

"Well it's nae fair!" She responded.

"I know, but that is the way it works; and for now the consequence is that we will have to put up with this Viking until he either grows bored or you choose whom you will marry."

Merida tried to imagine what he would look like, and the image that came to her was of a hulking muscle bound brute wearing a bearskin and holding an axe, a few flies seemed to be circling him as visible stink lines wafted from him. Merida shuddered and the caveman like figure belched loudly before disappearing.

"Absolutely nae! Why do we even need to have peace with them, we can jus' fight 'em off when they come!"

"Merida," Elinor chastised lightly. "This is not just about you; it will be a trying time for us all and we will weather with dignity because we love you."

"Jus' donae kill the lass when he gets here." Fergus started laughing.

"Ah'em nae gonna kill him Dad!" She said in a huff.

XxX

It would be weeks before something even remotely interesting happened from Merida's point of view, seeing as everything continued exactly as it had before. She went riding, had classes, and exchanged correspondence with the lords; mainly with young Macintosh though, as he was the only one that wrote back legible letters, since the McGuffin heir's writing was just as indecipherable as his speech and wee Dingwall only ever sent back sketches and drawings.

On that particular day, in the middle of holding court, a messenger arrived and her parents cleared the throne room of people, herself and her brothers included, to hold a private audience. That was sufficiently out of the ordinary that instead of going riding and exploring which she often did as soon as she had a chance, Merida used one of the many secret passages in the castle to spy on the meeting.

She blushed when she saw a man wearing a kilt with the colors of the Dunbroch clan striding purposefully towards the throne; he had dark hair, thick eyebrows and a clean handsome face, not to mention that it looked as if he had a bear skin rug strapped to his chest! The man kneeled before his rulers before winking at the Queen, and just like that his charm vanished.

_That cheeky bastard!_

"Odhran Onchu Seacht, reporting for duty. How may I service you, your Highness?"

The Queen nodded, acknowledging the greeting. "Like you probably already know, we will soon begin peace negotiations with the Vikings, this move not only will cause some instability within the kingdom but it will also most likely change the political landscape between the Viking tribes; we need to know more in order to plan how to proceed, we would appreciate any information you have on the northlands."

"Could you be more specific?"

"Tell us about Berk, ye goof!"

"Berk, uh? That's a tough one; let me see…all the information I have on Berk is secondhand at best since I've never been there before. Nobody wants to go there. The only explanation I could find was that it was dangerous to stay there for too long, so no one bothers." Seacht shrugged. "Let's start with the basics: Berk is an island smack in the middle of nowhere, it is populated by the Hairy Hooligan tribe and its warriors have a reputation as being one of the fiercest of all the Viking tribes, which is strange since they don't actually raid all that much. Even their involvement in the old war was minimum at best."

Seacht crossed his arms and briefly looked away; clearly uncomfortable with what he was about to say "Everything I say after that is rumors and whispers, mostly tavern talk and sailor tails. I have not been able to determine what is true and to what extent."

Fergus laughed loudly. "Ye mean the great Odhran Onchu Seacht has nae gotten the drop on these islanders? That's rich!"

The Queen glared at her husband before nodding at the man and motioning him to continue.

"According to these stories, Berk is the closest settlement to a place called Helheim's Gate; which is supposed to be a passageway to the underworld, so the people of that place have to deal with all manner of otherworldly beings. Some rumors say that they protect us by battling the creatures that spill forth from the Helheim's Gate, others that they are constantly at war with tribes even more savage than the Vikings, from even further north; were the snow is constant and night and day occur but once a year."

"And that's all ye have? Drunken slurs an' old wives' tales?" Fergus looked frustrated; none of what he had heard was of any use to him.

The vassal shrugged. "It is as I say. I never managed to set foot there, and besides the myriad of treaties all Viking tribes have with one another in order to keep them from tearing each other apart, they pretty much keep to themselves."

The Queen who had been listening attentively the whole time decided to bring the conversation back to more tangible matters. "Tell me, do you believe they could use the negotiations as a cover to stage an invasion?"

From behind her cover, Merida gasped.

"Doubtful," Seacht said, "To be frank I believe it to be the opposite," he explained, "News of Viking raids have been steadily decreasing over the last year, until they suddenly skyrocketed these last few months for reasons unrelated to this matter."

Queen Elinor nodded. When dealing with that Viking she had noted an undercurrent of desperation in his actions. If his tribe was modifying their ways to a more peaceful existence, a raider like that man would be anxious to prove he was still useful _the times are changing _she remembered him saying. _If the alliance becomes a reality he will take credit for it, and if it fails and we end up at war it will mean more battles for him._

She was taken out of her reverie by her husband's voice. "Wot is the cause of those raids?"

"From the information I've been able to gather; the leadership of the Berserker tribe has been passed down in typical Viking fashion, from Oswald the Agreeable to his son, Dagur the Deranged who is just as pleasant as his name suggests. And let me tell you, the kid seems to be on the warpath. As soon as he took the leadership he assembled an armada and started attacking anyone who could give him a good fight."

"Are we at risk?" The Queen had to know.

"Of raids? Most likely. An invasion? Probably not. No single Viking tribe could gain a solid foothold on our lands; he would need a legitimate reason in order to drag the other tribes…"

"Like refusing a treaty with a brother tribe." Interrupted Fergus, surprising the other two.

"It is possible," confirmed the vassal. "Failed talks of peace are usually followed by successful declarations of war. Does his Majesty wish for me investigate the situation further?"

"Nae," Fergus said, shaking his head. "Yer not me only pair of eyes. A have another job for ye. A have reports that a Roman physician, south of Hadrian's Wall, is close to recreating an ancient Greek weapon. Yer mission is to find an' stop this Dr. Julius No. Go find yer Quartermaster; he'll give ye more details an some gear. Ye can go now."

Seacht nodded and turned to the Queen. "My lady, it is a pleasure to assist in any way I can." He turned back to the King. "I'll take my leave, **M**ajesty."

As she watched the man called Seacht leave, Merida slumped against the wall she was hiding behind. This simple alliance pact was more complicated than she could have imagined, is this how things would be for her when she became Queen? For the first time in her life she felt inadequate.

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**Be the first to find the not so hidden movie and get a mention.**

**After some serious soul searching I have come to a very important discovery about myself: I'm an egotistical jerk. So drop a line in the review box at the bottom of the chapter to let me know you're reading, and I'll make sure to keep writing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Greetings and salutations to Comet Moon who guessed correctly. If I ever have both the time and the inclination, I will write the adventure of this ancient 007.**

**As always many thanks to my Beta HungryDemon who instructs me in the ways of the force, I mean grammar... yes, grammar, and nothing else.**

**For those of you who still think I own both Brave 2012 and the How to Train Your Dragon franchises, I would like to assure you that I in fact do not. **

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Chapter three

As soon as he arrived back at Berk, Knifenut hunted down Stoick in order to report about his trip to the Highlands.

"… so then we looted the Hel' out of them and went home." He finished.

Stoick scratched his beard and nodded. "This could be a problem," He mused. "In order for the alliance to be strong enough for our purposes, that marriage is vital. Still, it's not all bad; it will certainly reduce the shock factor for Hiccup. Tell me, the Highlanders, what do you make of their rulers?"

"The King is just what you would expect, big and strong and impulsive. It's the Queen that's the dangerous one, she's clever, and… diplomatic, she'll be our biggest obstacle. She didn't even follow proper negotiation protocol (1), and didn't seemed too impressed with my story either." He pouted.

"That's because you suck at telling stories," Stoick explained.

"Anyway," Knifenut continued. "We can't rule out the possibility that she made up that love condition in order to buy time."

"It doesn't matter," Stoick's voice was serious. "They set the rules, and now we'll _all _have to play by them, even them."

"Which still leaves us with the problem that this all depends on Hiccup's ability to seduce women."

Stoick looked offended. "He's on pretty friendly terms with Astrid you know?"

"Astrid? Oh, you mean the Hofferson girl. No offence chief, but he killed a dragon the size of a mountain in front of her while riding a Night Fury; they should have married seven times by now. If they're not, or at the very least shacking up in secret, that relationship is going nowhere."

Stoick nodded, conceding the point. "What do you propose we do then? It's not like we can teach the boy about romance ourselves. I'll never know what Val ever saw in me, and you had to beat your wife up before she would even acknowledge your courtship." He chuckled. "I'll never know how you did it, Bertha was tougher than me!"

"I slipped a little something in her food the day before, so she wouldn't be at full strength," was the casual response.

It made Stoick laugh. "And she still busted one of your kneecaps and broke your arm."

"And three of my ribs, I also couldn't see straight for a month afterwards." Knifenut got a faraway look in his eyes for a moment before he shook it off. "Standing here reminiscing is not going to help your son. If we can't help him, there must be someone who can!"

Stoick smiled. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Knifenut smiled as well. "I'll round up the guys and get some kegs!"

Stoick started to leave to go search for his son. "Knifenut."

"Yes, chief?"

"Forget the ale. We're going to need the strongest stuff you can find."

After a bit of searching, Stoick found his son at the dragon academy. The twins and Snotlout were practicing their dragon's aim by making them shoot at a stone statue; Astrid was trying to be as accurate as possible by making her Nadder shoot spikes at a series of shields. Hiccup and Fishlegs seemed to be working on the book of dragons, their own dragons just lounging around.

"Hey, Dad. What are you doing here?"

"I need to have a chat with you, in private."

"If this I about that Yak skeleton puppet; I swear I don't know who's behind it, or why it demanded tributes to Ogg the Gorilla Emperor."

"That's not why I'm here Son, come with me."

Stoick and Hiccup walked thru the village for a little while before Stoick decided to begin speaking.

"Tell me, Son, do you remember that whole mess we had whit the Berserkers a while back?"

"A guy like Dagur is a little hard to forget, Dad."

Stoick nodded. "Yes. Well, what you don't know; is how close we came to an all out war with the Berserkers, in no small part because of my actions." Hiccup was surprised to hear that. "We were lucky this time, however, the chances of war are almost certain in the future. And since you won't let the dragons…"

"We're not discussing that, Dad!" Hiccup said annoyed.

"No, we're not," placated Stoick. "I said that the decisions concerning the dragons would be yours as long as they didn't put the village at danger, and I will stand by my word. But, since the easy answer is out, I've been forced to make some hard choices to ensure peace."

"Well, you did tell me that doing what's right was rarely doing what was easy."

"I'm glad you remember that Son, because I'm being forced to make an alliance pact whit the Scotts."

"That's great Dad! I mean, we can't be fighting everyone all time."

"I don't think you understand the situation Son. When an event like this takes place, it's customary to seal and strengthen the deal by means of a marriage between the former enemies."

"That sounds reasonable, wait, what!? You can't be serious Dad! I mean what about? What I mean is, how could? Oh, this is a disaster."

"Son, listen to me. Son, Son, Hiccup, calm down!" Stoick started patting Hiccup on the back when his son started hyperventilating; this had the unfortunate side effect of flooring Hiccup. Good thing it worked

Out of the many questions and thoughts filling Hiccup's mind at the moment only one of them seemed to have any importance while he picked himself off the floor. "Why, Dad?"

Stoick rubbed his forehead and looked away for a moment. "Listen to me, because this is important. We need this alliance in order to make it difficult for Dagur to attack just because he thinks we would give him a good fight or made peace with the dragons."

"What about Astrid?" He asked in a small voice.

Stoick's eyes softened, showing sympathy. "What about her, Son?" His face suddenly turned worried. "You're not shacking up with her in secret, are you?"

Hiccup paled, he knew the consequences of doing something like that; best case scenario would involve an axe in his chest from her relatives. "No Dad, we haven't." He slumped knowing why his dad had asked about that. He had a whole year to speak to his father about starting negotiations with the Hoffersons, but he didn't feel ready yet and figured he still had more time. They were all busy with the dragon academy and he knew no other family would try to enter negotiations with them out of respect. He had waited too long and the choice was taken out of his hands. "So, you're just chucking me in to a marriage with some Scottish's chief daughter."

"I wish. Things are more complicated than that."

"That sounds comforting."

"The Scotts have strange customs Son, and apparently this princess-"

"Princess?"

"-has several suitors already, so you will have to win her hand by making her fall in love you."

"Oh, that sounds wonderful, how did you even come up with a plan like that?"

Stoick looked away.

_Flashback_

The day after Dagur left, Stoick called for a meeting in the great hall in order to decide how to act. Possible solutions and their consequences were discussed, although it looked like they couldn't reach an agreement, until Knifenut started pushing forth an idea they had already rejected.

"I'm begging you to reconsider chief. It's our only option!"

Stoick crossed his arms. "Are you questioning my decision?"

Knifenut took a step back, putting his hands in a placating gesture. "Don't get me wrong chief, if there's a war I'll be there at the front, for you and for Berk. But this is not an issue to be taken lightly. I know Dagur better than anyone here, and I know he's just looking for a fight, when he finds out we _do _have dragons; that little prick won't care that we just sort of keep them around, he will only see a cause for war and take it. We must be ready! We have to…"

Spitelout interrupted. "This again? A little twig like you might need someone to fight for him. But the rest of us are Vikings, and we will fight like Vikings!"

"And when we do, we'll go at it alone!" Countered Knifenut. "None of the other tribes, with the possible exception of the Bog Burglars will lift a finger against the Berserkers. The treaties Oswald made will hold, even with his son's insanity."

"If that's the problem then we'll just get other allies, how hard can it be?" Gobber didn't see what all the fuzz was about.

"And who do you propose for that? The Romans? The Goths? The Danes?" Knifenut's tone indicated how well he tough that would go. "We might as well declare war now."

Stoick, who had been mostly silent during the meeting, spoke up. "We will seek an alliance with the Scotts. Even if we were once enemies, Berk's role in the war was small. We can use that to our benefit."

Gobber scratched himself. "You know what something like that would need right? What about Hiccup?"

Stoick didn't hesitate. "It will be hard for the boy, but, if it's for the good of the village he will do it."

Knifenut who had started sulking, perked up at that. "You're right! The Scotts aren't very strong, but there are a lot of them. Enough, that they were able to push back the invasion. If we had those numbers backing us up, it would, at the very least, make the Berserkers hesitate to start hostilities on a mere whim; they would need a legitimate excuse."

"Not t' mention that their fashion sense is t' die for," added Gobber.

"Does anyone object?" asked Stoick.

The other Vikings didn't look too convinced, but didn't spoke against the chief out of respect for his son's sacrifice.

"I want to be the one to do this," started Knifenut. "I'm the least threatening looking, and my chances of getting out of there alive are good."

Stoick nodded. "Very well. But, Knifenut. You will not make use of the dragons to press the issue, understand?"

Knifenut's mouth became a grim line but he nodded.

_End flashback._

"That doesn't matter Son; what's important is that in order for this alliance to be strong enough for what we need it, you _have _to marry the princess. The Highlanders would never accept you as their king, since it was a Viking invasion that formed their kingdom, as a result, the only option would be for the princess to move to Berk. So if worse comes to worse and the Berserkers attack, they would have no choice but to send troops as reinforcements."

Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "That sounds… complicated, and devious."

Stoick flinched. "Big problems need big solutions. And it was you who taught me to think outside the box."

"Yay. Lucky me"

"I understand that news like that could be a little shocking,-"

"A little?"

"-so, to prepare you, I'm starting you, in an ancient Viking tradition." He put his arm around his son. "Getting completely wasted."

What followed next would haunt Hiccup's nightmares for months afterwards: He was led to the great hall, were what looked like the entire adult male population of Berk had gathered to 'celebrate' his 'engagement' which actually meant giving him drunken relationship advice about the best way of making the princess fall in love with him.

Whatever it was they were all drinking, it made his eyes and throat burn and the Vikings tipsy way faster than usual. Hiccup drank it as if it were water. For the first time in his life, Hiccup cursed his insanely high alcohol tolerance as he tried to drink himself stupid, both to stop listening and to forget what was being said to him. He finally passed out in the middle of a lecture about how to use stump attachments as marital aids.

XxX

The next day Hiccup dragged himself to the dragon academy leaning heavily on Toothless. He had dark rings under his bloodshot eyes; his hair was in disarray and sticking out in odd angles, his clothes were not any better.

The twins noticed him first.

"Wow, you look worse than Tuffnut."

"Yeah." Nodded Tuffnut, who didn't recognize the insult. "Is it because of the Yak puppet?"

Snotlout stepped closer. "What happened to you, cuz? It looks like you lost a fight with… well, everything."

Hiccup glared at his cousin for a moment before slumping. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine by me." Said Astrid, who knew how stubborn Hiccup could be, and recognized a hangover when she saw one. "We were just about to start practicing our dragon calls, right Fishlegs?"

"Well yea, but, maybe we shouldn't, because, Hiccup…" He shut up at seeing Astrid's glare. "I mean, yes?"

"So, you were telling me that the pitch of my Thunderdrum call was off?" She asked cheerily.

"Oh, yes." Fishlegs suddenly forgot all about Hiccup. "It's, UUUUUUAAARRRRGGGGHHH!"

"You mean? UUUURRRRGGGGHHH!"

"No, no, more like, UUUUUUAAARRRRGGGGHHH!"

"That's what I did, UUUUARRRRGGGGHHH!"

"Not quite, in the middle, you have to, UUUUUUAAARRRRGGGGHHH!"

"Ok, I give up! I'll talk!" Hiccup had collapsed face up on the floor, clutching his ears. "I need to marry some Scottish girl or we're going to war."

That got everyone's attention.

"What?"

"We're going to war? Cool!"

"That is gonna be awesome!"

"Hey Astrid, _I'm _available!"

"Why a Scott?"

Hiccup didn't answer, seeing as he was passed out on the floor.

"Come on." Astrid elbowed Snotlout in the gut. "Let's get him somewhere he can rest."

"Sure, and maybe after, we can go somewhere more… private" Snotlout wiggled his eyebrows.

Hookfang proved to be better at reading the mood than his master when he snatched Snotlout in his mouth and started shaking him like a chew toy.

"Alright, I get it! Not the time!" Snotlout muffled voice said, legs dangling out his dragon's mouth.

* * *

(1)- Posturing, insults, threats, growls, threats, unreasonable demands, small contained physical violence, more threats, begrudging acceptance of more reasonable terms. Repeat as much as needed.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

**As always, many thanks to HungryDemon, who took a break from devouring souls to beta this.**

**I feel I must remind you I don't own How to Train Your Dragon nor Brave 2012. Don't know why tough.**

* * *

Chapter 4

Hiccup woke up in his bed, somewhat disoriented, he didn't remember getting there; he took off the wet rag someone had placed on his forehead.

"Ugh, what happened?"

"We jus' got married and yer already acting as if ye don't remember? That's nae good…" A Scottish sounding voice answered him.

"Hiccup's eyes widened as he bolted to his feet, a decision he regretted immediately, since his legs gave out and he tumbled to the floor. He glared at Astrid who was holding her sides in laughter.

"Almighty Odin! You nearly gave me a heart attack." It only made her laugh harder.

"That's not funny." He sulked.

"I beg to differ." She giggled. "You should have seen your face." Her laughter eventually died. "Is it true?"

Hiccup grimaced "As far as I can tell, yes. My dad didn't give me the full story, but, the villagers are taking the threat of an attack from Dagur very seriously. They think that if we make a strong alliance with the Scotts we'll be seen as a big enough risk that Dagur won't attack" He scratched his head. "Or something like that."

"I don't think he'll care," replied Astrid.

"That's what I said!" Hiccup waved his arms nervously. "But Dad seems convinced that it will work."

"Your dad is chief for a reason. Maybe there are things we don't know about."

"I hope so," Hiccup muttered. "Because this whole thing depends on some princess choosing to marry me over her other suitors."

Astrid looked at him strangely. "I thought the marriage agreement was a done deal already?"

He shook his head. "No, it seems the Scotts want their princess to marry out of love, instead of doing it like, well, everyone else."

Astrid looked away; she had been hoping for something like that herself, not that she would ever tell anybody as it sounded incredibly girly. It was a forgone conclusion as far as anyone was concerned that she and Hiccup would eventually get married, ever since that kiss they shared when he woke up after the battle with the Green Death. Marriages had been forged with far less; the vast majority of married couples didn't even knew each other before the wedding. Contract negotiations would have probably started immediately if not for the fact that no tradition could survive contact with Hiccup Horrendus Haddock the Third. A spark of hope had blossomed inside of her.

She turned to look at said Haddock as he gesticulated wildly while he ranted about the impossibility of making someone fall in love with him and gave a small mental sigh at the irony. She and Hiccup were not in love, but they were getting there; they certainly had come a long way from the disdainful indifference and simple-minded infatuation they had started with. In the year since their first adventure they had indeed grown closer as friends, he now saw her as a person instead of a symbol, and she now saw him as more than just the first dragon rider or the slayer of the biggest dragon in history. They had grown to be close friends and both saw and recognized qualities in each other that they admired and/or drove them nuts. It wasn't love yet, but they had time, except now they didn't.

When Hiccup started talking about possible ways of getting out of the engagement, she stopped him by placing her hands on the sides of his face and pressing her forehead against his. Hiccup blushed; it was the most intimate contact that they had ever shared. "Hiccup, listen to me. Do you remember the first time we trained against the Nadder in the maze?"

Hiccup nodded.

"Do you know why I was so angry at you? It was because we were finally given the chance to really help our village, to make a difference and save lives, and you treated it like a joke. If you had tried your best and failed, I wouldn't have minded one bit. I mean, you failed at everything back them, not only failed, you failed spectacularly."

"Stop saying that," He grumbled, a little annoyed.

She gave him a soft headbutt to shut him up. "We are Vikings Hiccup; everything about our lives is difficult. We survive because we are tougher than anybody else, and because we rely on each other. If marrying this princess will really help us, if will make Berk a safer place, then you should try with all your heart, because we are Vikings, and we don't do things in half measures."

Hiccup looked away and nodded. "I have to leave in a week," He said softly.

"For how long?"

"I don't know."

Astrid nodded. "Then we have a lot of work to do."

XxX

For the rest of the week Hiccup was busy preparing for his trip to the Highlands.

Parts of it were enjoyable, such as Gobber's rushed smithing courses, where he tried to cram, years of knowledge in the shortest amount of time into him. It was during those lessons that he learned just how much Gobber had really traveled while fleeing from the Boneknapper Dragon, and how much he still needed to learn. Apparently, he had been all over the known world learning and collecting all sort of weapon making techniques and skills.

Parts of it were mentally exhausting, such as planning the future of the dragon academy and training Astrid to take over for however long he would be gone. He also trusted the book of dragons to Fishlegs and gave him specific instruction about how to add to it; chief among them was, don't put number statistics about the dragons.

Parts of it were just unpleasant, such as dealing with the villager's efforts to turn him in to a woman slaying Casanova. Especially because the vast majority of them didn't seem to understand that he needed her to fall in love with him _before _the wedding, not after. This resulted in the type of advice that would get him executed if he were to even think of putting it to use. And of course, dealing with Mildew.

After a somewhat rushed meal, Hiccup was resting in the mead-hall before he had to meet with Gobber, when a raspy voice interrupted his musings.

"Well what do we have here?" Mildew saw Hiccup and just couldn't resist. "It never ceases to amaze me the lengths you will go to dishonor our tribe. First you bring those hellish beasts to the island, putting us all in danger and attracting the Outcasts, and now we might have to spill the blood of our brothers. Oh, the shame." He stalked closer to Hiccup. "And now poor Stoick is being forced to dilute his bloodline in a useless attempt at peace. Especially when we know that the real answer is getting rid of the dragons for good." He leaned closer to Hiccup. "And it would be such a shame if there were an incident with the dragons and you weren't here to fix it."

"I agree," said Knifenut, sitting on a nearby table, eating a plate of lamb. "With Hiccup gone, we will have to be extra careful, so that nothing bad happens. For my part, I'm going to be paying close attention to _anything _suspicious." He took a drink out of his tankard. "If something were to happen, it would be disastrous for _all _those involved." His tone turned sinister at the end before going back to normal. "Am I right Mildew?"

Hiccup turned to the old Viking, and was surprised to see he was a little pale.

Mildew grumbled something unintelligible before turning around and walking away.

"Hey, Hiccup," Knifenut said between bites. "Do you know why they call me Backstab?"

Mildew started walking faster.

"Not really." Hiccup felt there was some subtext he was missing.

"Well, it's not important anyway. Just wanted to see if you knew."

Hiccup nodded, happy to let it stay that way. Viking titles tended to be derived from particularly bloody events. A question _was _nagging him though. "Umm. Why did Mildew look like he was afraid of you for a moment?"

Knifenut shrugged. "No idea. Well… I did let him know how displeased I was over that armory incident when the Outcasts invaded. My father's sword was in there, you know?"

"Why didn't you just keep it in your house? I mean, sure, keeping something sharp and shiny in the same place the twins live is probably a bad idea…and…you…" Hiccup trailed of nervously when he saw the other Viking put his plate aside, no longer hungry.

His eyes had hardened. "Because, I hated the bloody bastard." He shook his head to clear it. "But, the sword was valuable and I loath to dispense of anything that is still of use to me. Which was what I used to say to your father all the time whenever you got into trouble?"

"Thank you, that makes me feel appreciated."

Knifenut snorted. "Come off it boy!" He stood up to leave. "I always knew you were gonna do something great, It's just that every time you tried, a disaster happened, and I'm not talking about regular disasters either, they were spectacular."

"That's really not helping."

He was ignored.

"Nice talking to you Hiccup, Have a safe trip."

XxX

With just a few days until Hiccup's departure, Ruffnut found Astrid at the edge of the cliff, just staring at the ocean.

"Are you alright?" Ruffnut didn't need to specify, they both knew what she was talking about.

"I guess. I mean, it's not like we were a couple, we're just friends."

"Well, you should totally just clonk him in the head with something heavy and yell mine. That's what my dad did."

Astrid paused at that, as if considering it. "No, this alliance is too important. Besides, the princess might not even pick him."

"But she will." Ruffnut stretched her arms.

"Of course she will." Confirmed Astrid. "In a way, it's kind of a relief, you know?"

"Nope."

She slumped. "Me neither."

XxX

When the day of Hiccups departure came, a good number of people showed up at the cliffside to say goodbye.

The first one to say goodbye were his closest friends.

"So, where are we going again?" Tuffnut was still confused about that that one.

"We're not going anywhere mush for brains; Hiccup's gotta romance some Scottish broad." Ruffnut explained eloquently.

"I still believe they should have sent a real Viking." Snotlout crossed his arms. "Snotlout the love maestro could get the job done in minutes!"

Astrid elbowed him. "We need them to be our friends, moron, not go to war with them."

Snotlout shrugged off the blow and handed Hiccup a scroll filled with messy writing, "Here you go cuz. Don't say I never do anything for you. Here is a list of my super effective patented pickup lines, guaranteed to get the babes swooning for you. No, don't thank me; I know you probably don't stand a chance without them."

"Actually," Interrupted Fishlegs. "Because of his deeds, lineage and the rarity of his dragon, Hiccup has a pretty good chance, at least by Viking standards…" He trailed off, when he saw the others looking at him. "Good luck, Hiccup." He finished in a small voice.

Astrid stepped forth and gave him a tight hug. "We are Vikings, remember that." She whispered in his ear.

Hiccup nodded. "And Vikings don't do things half way." He whispered back.

When they separated they saw Bucket standing there, looking a little agitated "Oh, Hiccup. It's dangerous to go alone, take this."

"Thank you Bucket. I'm sure I'll find plenty of uses for it…"

"It's me best bucket it is!"

"And I'll treasure it always." Hiccup assured him.

"He's not the only one with presents you know?" Gobber pushed his way thru the crowd.

"Hey, Gobber." Hiccup smiled at his mentor. "What's this about presents?"

"I got the feeling that you weren't paying much attention this week, what with you running around everywhere like a headless chicken, so I got you a little something to tie you over."

He presented a thick bundle of books and lone pages wrapped with a cloth and secured with a rope. "These papers are everything I wrote during my travels, and anyone who reads and understand them can become a master blacksmith with no problems."

"Wow, Gobber, this is… I didn't know you had written all of that!" Hiccup was amazed.

"I _am _Bork's great-great-great-grandson, you know? It's in my blood." Gobber declared proudly.

Hiccup felt a lump in his throat as he received what was essentially Gobber's life's work.

"I-i don't know what to say."

"Well, you're giving them back to me when you come back. I'm just lending them t' you." Gobber didn't see what the big deal was. "Just be careful out there alright? You're not gonna have ol Gobber to bail you out of trouble, and for Thor's sake don't destroy their kingdom, we need them intact for now."

"Your trust is overwhelming." Hiccup tone was as dry as a desert.

The last to say goodbye was his father. "Son, I…"

Hiccup interrupted him "It's okay Dad. I understand…"

"I'm still sorry for it," confirmed Stoick.

"We're Vikings. It's an occupational hazard." Hiccup reminded him.

"We're Viking. It's an occupational hazard." Stoick agreed.

"So."

"So."

"Yeah."

"Yes."

"I'll be back, probably." Hiccup said.

"And I'll be here," Stoick intoned. "Maybe."

Hiccup hugged his dad and turned to leave.

Toothless looked bored and annoyed.

Hiccup scratched the dragon's head "I'm sorry about ignoring you this whole week bud." Toothless huffed. "Yes, I know, I'm horrible. But now we're going to fly as much as you want for as long as you want. For days in fact."

That got Toothless to instantly forgive him. Hiccup mounted his best friend and urged him on. Exited as he was about flying again after a week of staying on land, Toothless didn't notice Hiccup's sad tone.

"Let's go, buddy."

Toothless immediately took flight and they started to put distance between them and the island. To Hiccup's credit, he didn't look back once.

As boy and dragon started getting smaller in the distance Astrid narrowed her eyes, turned around and started walking away. "Come on guys, we have work to do."

* * *

A mention for the first one to guess the memetic video game reference.

Next chapter: Hiccup and Merida finally meet.

* * *

**Look, up in the sky!**

**Is it a bird?**

**Is it a plane?**

**Is it a nerd!**

**No! Well, yes, but it's not just any nerd.**

**Its Amateur Writer Man!**

**Fighting boredom, one chapter at a time.**

**When we last saw our hero, he was saving a shipment of new chapters from being hijacked by bandits, when he was suddenly attacked by his archenemy Dr. Hiatus Md.**

**"I have you now Amateur Writer Man, for I finally know your weakness: Apathy and procrastination. And with my Apathy and procrastination ray, you will be powerless to stop me."**

**"You fiend! How could you possibly have figured that out!?"**

**"I read your secret origins. Bitten by a radioactive Franck Miller, Amateur Writer Man, with the power to break the fourth wall, whatever that means, yada yada yada." **

**"That's it! My fourth wall breaking powers! It's my only chance." Turns to camera. "You folks at home must help me! Simply write something on the space below me to help me regain my powers!"**


	5. Chapter 5

**As always, many thanks to HungryDemon. The only beta whose contact requirements include an Internet connection, a pentagram, black candles and a sandwich. **

**In order to appease the terrible power of the lawyers, I am legally obliged to inform you I don't own either How to Train Your Dragon nor Brave 2012. Seriously, don't mess with the lawyers; they made the cookie monster say that cookies are "a sometime snack". That is power you just don't mess with.**

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Chapter 5

With the deadline for the arrival of the Viking chief's son fast approaching, Merida felt like she was about to lose her mind. In order to keep a better handle on the situation once the Viking arrived, the three young lords had moved to the castle to keep an eye on him in case he had something nasty planed. It was an unspoken agreement between them that only two of them would go back to their home.

As fine as it sounded to have some extra security that was around that was her age, the young lords had taken the opportunity to make good on the deal they had made that awful night, and tried to win her heart.

They were nice guys really, so it wasn't actually all that awful, but they were suffocating her, she hardly had a moment alone. It had gotten to the point that she had actually started relishing her lessons with her mother, despite their mind numbing qualities, because at least she was mostly alone. When she could take no more of it, she told everyone off and went riding by herself for the first time in what felt like ages.

She rode and rode, not really paying attention to the time or where she was going. She was just glad that she could finally have a moment for herself, her horse, and no one else.

The wind in her face was exhilarating, and after feeling watched for so long, being out in the open, alone with Angus, riding to her hearth's content was so liberating. And then her best friend decided to stop for no reason that she could perceive, throwing her to the ground when her body decided to keep moving forward.

"Oww… Angus!" She groaned from where she landed, her earlier foul mood returning. "Wot is wrong with you!?"

She got up and walked towards her friend with a slight limp. That fall had hurt! She leaned on Angus and tried to walk it off but he didn't budge. She tried to pull him along but he refused to move, he was scared. What could have possibly scared Angus like that?

"Who's there?" A voice called out.

Merida silently cursed, someone had found her. The voice was male and didn't sound deep enough to be from an adult. A young vassal maybe? Or a boy from a nearby village? It didn't matter. She didn't feel like having company.

She started to look around for the source of the voice, in order to dismiss its owner back to where he came from, and noted that the sky was almost dark. Had she really lost track of so much time? She spotted the light from a campfire nearby. How could she have missed that? Was this what had Angus so nervous?

She tried to pull the horse toward the light and he pulled back almost frantically. It put her on edge.

"I know someone's there; you make a lot of noise," the voice insisted.

"A'm armed!" She warned, preparing her bow.

"That's a strange name, but I guess I shouldn't talk. Nice to meet you, Armed."

Merida got the distinct impression she was being mocked.

"Am I being robbed?" The voice asked.

"What?" The question caught her off guard.

"Are you robbing me?" The voice clarified. "Not a lot of people I know introduce themselves by brandishing weaponry. Maybe it's a local custom," it mused.

"Jus' being careful, A don' know ye," Merida justified herself. "Yer suspicious," she added for completion's sake.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Miss Armed, but being wary is more appropriate when someone barges in on you, not when you find someone cooking dinner."

"Me name is nae Armed!"

"Well, you haven't told me your real name, yet," The voice explained.

"Maybe A donae feel like giving it to ye."

"I'm not keeping it if that's what you're worried about."

"Yer awfully cheeky fer someone being threatened." She noted.

"Well, I'm still not sure if I'm being robbed or not." Merida rolled her eyes at that, "and since your voice isn't behind me I'll be able to see you if come close, and you'll need to come close if you want to hurt me whit your knife, or sword, or whatever it is you're threatening me with."

It suddenly occurred to Merida that if she couldn't see the owner of the voice, he couldn't see her either. There was a small rustle in the direction of the voice and she warned him to stay put.

"A canae see you either, but A'm good enough with me bow that A can put an arrow in ye if ye move."

She heard a quiet muttering and immediately pulled on the string of her bow. "Who are ye talking to!?" somehow the situation was putting her on edge.

"What? Ah yes, sorry about that, I tend to talk to myself when I'm nervous. There's a weird voice threatening me, you see?"

"Ma voice is nae weird." Merida sounded incensed.

"Yet you're still nothing but a voice and a threat," the voice replied.

"An ye still haven't told me who ye are, and what yer doing here."

"To be fair, you haven't asked." There was a trace of humor in the voice."

Merida blushed, glad the stranger couldn't see her.

"I'm just a traveler passing thru," the stranger continued. "Come tomorrow you will never see me again. In fact, if you turn around and walk away, you'll not see me at all."

"That's very rude of ye." She reprimanded.

"And yet I'm still the one being threatened." He reminded her.

"Yer still suspicious." She shot back.

There was a heartfelt sigh and Merida got the impression that the boy was asking the gods for patience.

"Listen, we can be here trading jabs until Ragnarok, but that won't change the fact that you will never get over your mistrust if we don't at least _talk_ face to face. So you got two choices. You walk away, or you step out to where we can see each other."

_Ragnarok? _She mouthed silently, shrugging it off she decided. "All right," She relented. "Ye move an ye get and arrow."

"I wouldn't dream of it," was the dry response.

Merida carefully made her way towards the fire, holding her bow at the ready.

Sitting on a log staring intently at the fire was a boy; she knew no other word to describe him. He looked to be around her age, she could not judge his height because he was sitting, but he didn't strike her as being very tall. He had brown hair, one of his feet was missing; replaced by a metal contraption. He had a somewhat nondescript face and if it wasn't for his strange clothes he could have easily passed for a villager. Strangely enough, once he saw her he didn't seem weary of her, or afraid of her bow. _Is this what Angus was so worried about?_

Hiccup, for his part, was watching the bow wielding girl as she made her way to his camp, wondering if all the Highlanders were going to be that jumpy. She was wearing a long green dress that looked much too nice to belong to a simple peasant or a bandit. She had lots and lots of hair; red and curly and massive, and her face, while pretty and expressive, was somewhat round, it reminded Hiccup of a tomato.

Merida reminded herself that just because he didn't _look _dangerous, it didn't mean he wasn't. She looked at him wearily and sat across the fire from him. That way, if he tried anything she would have ample time to back off and ready her bow.

She saw him reach for a stick and grabbed her bow. He didn't acknowledge her and started pocking at the fire to move the embers.

"You really should put your bow away before someone gets hurt," he commented, not looking away from the fire.

"The only one that could get hurt is ye."

The boy smiled. "Who do you think I was talking about? Violence shouldn't be your first answer, especially when the alternative is much more pleasant."

"Wot alternative?"

"A nice roaring fire for one, and maybe a bit of rabbit if you behave." He motioned to the one roasting in the fire.

"An how would A 'behave'?" She imitated his voice.

"You can tell me your name, for starters."

"Do ye really don' know who A am?" She was surprised.

"Traveler, remember?" He pointed out. "Should I? Are you a famous bard or something like that?"

"Maybe A am," She teased.

"I knew a bard once." Hiccup commented. "His name was Asuranceturix, and the poor guy couldn't sing if his life depended on it."

"Woot happened to him?" Merida was curious.

"We tied him up, put him in a merchant ship and paid the trader an enormous amount of gold to take him as far away from us as humanly possible."

"Sounds like a good deal."

"It was," Hiccup agreed. "The hard part was getting the trader to forgive us."

She let loose a laugh at that one and he laughed along, dispersing the tense atmosphere.

"What happened to yer leg?" She asked bluntly, but he only sensed curiosity in her voice.

"I had a bad fall." He answered truthfully.

"And they took off yer foot jus cause o' that?" She seemed surprised.

"It was a _very _bad fall." He gave no further details.

"An that thing on yer feet?"

Hiccup smiled, she was infinitely more pleasant now that she wasn't trying to kill him. "You like it?" He lifted his leg to show it off. "I'm an apprentice blacksmith back home, and my mentor made it for me." Putting his leg down, the metal contraption made a small noise as it touched the ground. "I don't think I'll ever be able to sneak up on anyone, but it's not bad."

She nodded, noticing his soft smile. "Me father's missing one of his feet too. Lost it fighting a huge bear!" She waved her arms to indicate the size.

"Sounds like quite the story."

The Scottish girl rolled her eyes "Yes! an he never gets tired of telling it." She told him with fond exasperation. "So. Are ye gonna tell me wot yer doing here?" She asked with a small smile.

Hiccup's face fell. "Well, you see… I…"

Hiccup's answer was interrupted by the sounds of thundering hooves coming from somewhere behind Merida. She immediately turned around and readied her bow, having already dismissed Hiccup as a threat since he had already demonstrated he could not move without making a sound.

From the darkness, the silhouette of three riders could be seen, barely controlling their horses. Giving up on that they jumped off them and started advancing in the direction of the pair.

"Friends of yers?" Merida shot him a small glare.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." Hiccup didn't seem overly concerned.

"Ye should get ready to run." She advised him and tensed.

Once the light of the campfire reached them, Merida let out a breath of relief. It was the three young Lords, who readied their weapons as soon as they spotted Hiccup.

"Are we being robbed?"

Merida shushed him and addressed the young heirs, scowling at them. "Wot do ye think yer doing?" She crossed her arms imperiously.

Wee Dingwall looked to be in rare form as he brandished a long spear. "It's late, yer mother sent us."

"Well Ah'em jus fine, ye can go back now." Her temper started flaring again.

The three clans' heirs shook their heads with eerie synchronicity. "You must come with us _now _princess,-"

"Princess?"

"-to stay would be perilous." Macintosh made his sword do a few pirouettes. It looked like he was psyching himself up for some reason.

MacGuffin said something that vaguely sounded like a warning and they all had to stop a moment to try and figure out what it was before giving up.

"You really have to move from there princess, it is unsafe." Macintosh's voice was tight.

"Wot are ye talking about?" Merida was starting to lose her patience." Turning to look at the boy to try and see what the young lords found so threatening about him, she gasped when she saw that in the darkness behind him, a dark shape started to move, a pair of bright yellow eyes lit up and narrowed. She quickly scrambled back until she was among the young lords. "Wot is that!?" She demanded.

"Dammit, Toothless, I told you to stay put." Hiccup's voice sounded ratter put upon.

Said dragon answered with a soft growl. He just wasn't comfortable with so many weapons aimed at Hiccup. He extended his wings to look more menacing and blue light could be seen from the back of his throat as a warning. It looked like he had swallowed a wisp and it was trying to get out.

The three young lords looked like they were ready to pounce, not really recognizing the threat for what it was. Merida, however, went to another place entirely.

"Ye lied to me!" she pointed an accusing finger at the boy who was still sitting.

"What?" That actually seemed to catch him off guard.

"Ye were trying to trick me into letting me guard down so ye could feed me to yer beasty!"

Hiccup's jaw dropped at that one. There were so many things wrong with that sentence that he didn't know where to start. _Trying to trick her? She was the one that barged in to my camp! _"No offence, but if was trying to do that, I would have picked someone more meaty."

Merida pointed her bow at him; she could not believe he was still giving her sass.

She suddenly gave a little yelp as the strong arms of the MacGuffin's heir unexpectedly wrapped around her, lifted her up, spun her, and put her behind him and the other young lords. Fighting back both disorientation and anger at being manhandled like that, Merida peered around the husky heir and gasped when she saw what prompted his actions.

A few feet from where she was standing, she saw what could only be described as spikes made of bone sticking out of the ground, they were huge! She idly noticed that not one of them actually went too close to the place she had occupied. _A warning shot_. She realized. All further considerations stopped at the sight that followed the spikes.

Swooping down from the sky four monstrous figures landed between them and the boy she'd been talking to. People. People!? Dismounted from the beasts and pulled out weapons.

Neither the riders nor what she now recognized as dragons looked happy with them. One of the dragons even set himself on fire, another one seemed to be drooling lava, she could guess which one of had shot the spikes at her, since more of them were standing in attention along its tail. After a split second deliberation she decided she didn't want to know what the two headed one did.

In the middle of that chaos, both Merida and Hiccup would have been surprised to know they were both thinking the exact same thing: _Why do these things always happen to me?_

* * *

CLIFFHANGER!

Seriously? No one guessed last ep's challenge? whatever, it's still open.

* * *

**We now return to the adventures of Amateur Writer Man.**

**"I can feel my powers slowly returning! It's time to write the end of _your_ story!"**

**"Really, that's it? You're a writer and that's the best one liner you could come up with?"**

**"_Amateur_ writer."**

**One scene of soul scarring violence later.**

**"Wow, did you see that one? His pancreas came right out his tear duct! What? We're back on?" Strikes a pose. "And so, the world is once again safe from the forces of boredom. But we must be ever vigilant, and that includes you folks at home too. Show you care on the rectangle below me and ensure that new chapters show up on time!"**

**"Medic…"**

**"Don't be a pansy. You don't even need that to live."**

**"You're thinking about the appendix."**

**"Shows what you know. I'm thinking about lunch."**

**This has been another adventure of: Amateur Writer Man.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A massive shout out to genious 7 who figured the challenge. Although its origins lie in the very first Zelda game (man, I feel old).**

**As always, many thanks to HungryDemon for being my beta. Although, well, we have to talk dude. Receiving revisions via Ouija board is very time consuming.**

**I don't own either How to Train Your Dragon nor Brave 2012. Do you know why? It's the Illuminati, It's always the Illuminati. But once my mustache gun is completed they will see, they will all see (everyone knows awesome mustaches are the Illuminati's only weakness).**

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Chapter 6

By the Allfather, he just wanted to eat his rabbit and go to sleep, was that so much to ask?

Knowing he was close to Dunbroch, Hiccup had decided to camp for the night and approach the castle in the morning, on foot with Toothless. Knowing that if he simply rode the dragon when the sky was darkening, they would be mistaken for enemies and attacked, he gave himself one more night before he had to deal the mess that awaited him in the castle. One of his traps caught a tasty critter while he was making a campfire, after skinning and gutting it, it made its way to the fire where it started cooking.

_So far so good_. By now Hiccup really should know not to tempt fate, as she has poor impulse control and she proved it when the young Viking started hearing noises from beyond the light of the campfire. It turned out to be a girl that, judging by her first words, had a penchant for violence. He told Toothless not to move or react and went about defusing the situation with his visitor.

He got the girl to show herself and noted that her clothing was much too nice to belong to someone traveling or even willing to spend a night outdoors. He only needed to bide his time. She would go home and leave him to enjoy his last night alone.

That particular plan went to an icy grave in Jotunheim with the arrival of the girl's friends and the revelation that she was the princess. The new arrivals must have noticed the dragon or thought of him as dangerous because they were putting enough hostility forth to make Toothless react. He was pretty sure he could still defuse a potentially disastrous situation; Toothless could be ridiculously cute when he wanted to and Hiccup himself was pretty harmless looking. Then the princess talked and he snarked back on reflex, causing her to threaten him with her bow once again.

Unfortunately that was the preamble to something much more troublesome as a volley of Nadder spines made their way to the ground in front of the princess. Her companions reacted instantly, pulling her to safety and preparing themselves for a fight.

_His _companions, who, by the way, _should _have been on Berk reacted just as quickly, landing between him and the Highlanders and dismounting from their dragons. Well, Hookfang threw Snotlout off of him before lighting himself up, but the result was the same.

_Why do these things always happen to me?_

Vikings and Scottish were having a silent stalemate while they each waited for the other side to strike first.

Wee Dingwall was trying very hard not to lose control and simply rush in and attack, because what would work well in a massive brawl would not do with so few people. He scanned every dragon and his rider carefully until he saw the two headed one and his eyes widened at the vision before him. _Perfection_.

Snotlout watched the Highlanders and could barely contain his excitement. This was what being a Viking was _all _about. Travel to far off exotic places, meet new and exciting people, and then kill them. He didn't care that Hookfang threw him off; they were friends, friends were supposed to be rough with each other. He didn't care that they had to tail Hiccup for days and days without him noticing because Astrid was worried. He didn't even care that his fishbone of a cousin was going to marry a princess, because after all was said and done, Hiccup was finally getting out of his way, both in the village and with Astrid. All he had to do was make sure he got to where he had to go in one piece; a task that was harder than it sounded, because when Hiccup was involved, disaster was bound to happen.

The heir to the Macintosh clan felt his blood boil and knew it was more than the warrior in him that made it so. Not for the first time in his life, what he wanted to do as a man conflicted with what he needed to do as the heir to his clan. He was not just a handsome face and a sculpted body; he was a man of wealth and taste. Seeing those outsiders in their strange garb along with the escort of such exotic creatures sent his mind spinning in many different directions, not to mention that the two girls in the group were not bad to look at.

Fishlegs eyed the Highlanders nervously as he adjusted the grip on his war hammer. He knew that because of his size he would have to clash with the big Scott that had the pair of axes and looked like he knew how to use them. He did not want to fight, oh, he so very much did not want to fight, but they had been about to attack Hiccup and he had to defend his friend. _Why couldn't this sort of things be solved with a game of trivia?_

The eldest of the MacGuffin children weighted the situation in his mind. His main concern was Princess Merida's safety but he doubted she would retreat if he told her to; she was too impetuous for that. It was clear to him that their _guests _had only reacted when they felt that the boy behind the campfire was in danger, and felt reasonably sure that if they backed off they would not pursue. Unfortunately, Macintosh would fight no matter the odds to impress the princess, and Dingwall… well, he was actually kind of surprised that Dingwall hadn't flown in to a battle rage yet. Why did he have to be the level headed one?

Ruffnut and Tuffnut had twin manic grins on their faces as they watched their opponents. Violence, this they could do. They didn't like reading and could count worth squat, but their dad's lessons about combat _did _stick. Swords against axes, Spears against swords Axes against spears.

Merida did not let it show on her face, but she was scared. What had started as a leisurely ride to clear her head, had devolved in to a situation that could possibly get them all killed. Who would have thought that the wee little lamb he was having a conversation with had such big claws?

_Why do these things always happen to me?_

Astrid adjusted her grip on her battle axe while she analyzed the battleground. Two close up fighters, one mid range and a distance one with a bow. She immediately dismissed the girl; she had trained Stormfly well, and the moment the redhead made an offensive move her dragon would take care of her. She also took Hiccup's safety out of her mind, since Toothless would protect him. That only left the three warriors in front of them. The dragons would be great help, but in the middle of the fight, none of them would have the presence of mind to command them properly. She was about to tell Hiccup to use them as he saw fit when an angry shout startled her.

"By the nine realms, what are you all doing here!?" Hiccup had enough. The angry tone of the question caught everyone off guard, even Hookfang's fire winked out.

And just like that, the tense atmosphere was broken, replaced by an awkward one.

Hiccup purposefully strode to stand in between the two groups and without saying a word turned his back to the Scotts in order to address his friends. This action was taken as rude by the princess who was tempted to shoot him, just to teach him a lesson, but she saw the black dragon, staring intently at her, eyes narrowed. The three young heirs, however, gave a sigh of relief. Instead of assuming that he saw them as of no consequence, they saw that he was putting himself at their mercy, to deter any hostilities.

"What do you mean, what are you all doing here!?" Astrid snapped back without missing a beat. "We're saving your skinny ass from being shish-kabobed by those guys!"

"I was handling it."

"Really? 'Cause it looked like you were about to hacked in to little bitty pieces."

"Well, I wasn't. And you guys were just about to cause a war!"

"Well _excuse _us for coming to help a friend in danger!"

"I didn't _ask _you guys to come."

"No, _you _don't get to say that." Astrid was getting annoyed as well. "Not after we followed you all the way from Berk and all you did was stall for time as much you could. What could be so interesting about rocks that you spend half a day just staring at them and writing on your notebook? They're just rocks. I ought to smack you for that one."

"You didn't have to come, you know? I specifically told you guys to stay on Berk."

Snotlout scoffed. "Like we were gonna listen to _you_."

"But you're not supposed to be here!" Why couldn't they understand that this was bad?

Tuffnut shrugged. "What's the big deal anyway? If you think you were gonna be the only one to see this place you're as crazy as Ruffnut."

"Shut it, moron." Ruffnut pushed him out of the way.

"You shut it." He pushed her back. Moments later they were wrestling in the ground.

Hiccup sighed at this and turned back to the other three. "You think I _want _to be here? I'm going to miss Bork's week and who knows what else. We also have a lot of matters to resolve and I'm stuck here. You _know _I'm not doing this for fun."

Fishlegs looked at Hiccup intently. "We're no longer talking about the trip are we?"

"You guys are so stupid," Tuffnut declared from where he was pinned to the floor by his sister. "Why don't we just get rid of them and get on with our lives?"

Ruffnut smacked him, but didn't voice any disagreement.

Hiccup palmed his face.

"We are not going to do that. Just put your weapons away. We're not here to cause a war! And you…" he twirled to glare at Toothless who did his best to look innocent. "Spit that out!"

Toothless turned around and fired the plasma blast somewhere behind him. The explosion that followed toppled a few trees and left a sizeable crater. He faced the skinny youth once again and gave a little draconic shrug after he saw him drop his head in defeat.

When the armed intruders arrived, Toothless had no real intention of fighting them, because it would leave Hiccup unguarded. He tried to scare them off by looking intimidating; once that didn't work, he had the bright idea of blowing up the campfire and use the chaos caused by the explosion in addition to the subsequent darkness to grab his buddy and get out of there. Driven to distraction by the arrival of his friends he kept feeding the blast without noticing, until Hiccup told him to stop it. He was just glad he could not blush like the humans did.

Massaging his temple to fight off a headache, Hiccup turned towards the surprised Highlanders who were just standing there, watching the bizarre discussion in addition to looking bug eyed at the little dragon with the big blast.

"Listen, there is nothing to be worried about. I'm supposed to be here. They, I can _not _stress that enough, are not." He reached into his vest and pulled out a scroll. "My name is Hiccup and I'm here to help negotiate a pact between our people."

Merida instantly recognized the name. _Oh, no!_

"These are my friends." Hiccup pointed to each one in turn. "Astrid, Fishlegs, Snotlout and the twins: Ruffnut and Tuffnut."

Instead of scoffing at the inane names, Macintosh stepped forth and made a show of twirling his sword before sheathing it in a well rehearsed move. "My name is Ian Macintosh, I am the heir of my most noble clan." He then winked at the girls and flexed his chest.

Hiccup was surprised he could not find any trace of accent in the buff Scott's voice.

"William Dingwall, heir o' me clan," The lanky teen said while staring strongly at the twins.

The next up was the burly one with the two axes, who introduced himself as well. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Hiccup heard Macintosh whispering to him. "Doric MacGuffin."

Hiccup nodded in thanks to the Macintosh heir. "Well met, Doric MacGuffin," he said out loud to the benefit of his friends. "And you as well, Ian Macintosh and William Dingwall," he added. "Now only…"

"Wait, wait, wait!" The princess looked agitated. "Ye guys have _names?_" They all looked at her like she was crazy, even Dingwall. "Why did none of ye ever told them to me?"

Macintosh shrugged. "You never asked."

Merida palmed her face.

"I'm detecting a pattern here." Hiccup commented.

"Shut up, A'em nae talking to ye," The princess snapped at him.

"Can I at least get your name?" Hiccup prodded.

Relenting, she introduced herself. "Ah'em Princess Merida of Dunbroch." She even curtsied; the scowl on her face betrayed her true emotions though.

"That's a good name, much better name than 'Armed'." He commented.

"Still nae talking to ye," She informed him.

"All right Hiccup!" Tuffnut cheered. "They already sound like they're married. You have this one on the bag, man!"

"You go girl! Clonk him good!" Ruffnut cheered as well.

"As, _entertaining _as this is," Macintosh interjected. "The Queen is suitably worried by the princess tardiness in returning home…" He left the sentence hanging.

Hiccup nodded. "I understand. You can tell them I will arrive tomorrow morning."

"I believe it would be better if you accompany us," Ian insisted. "That way there can be no room for misunderstandings."

"We're going too," Astrid declared.

Hiccup paled. "Oh, no you don't. You guys are going straight back to Berk. This is serious. We can't just rush on to things anymore."

Astrid huffed. "I thought not rushing into things was our problem to begin with." Hiccup winced at that one. "We're also not here on a whim," she took pity and got back on track. "We did discuss this with your dad, and he agreed. If it all had gone according to plan, you would have had never known we were here."

"Yes, we all know according to plan is not really our style. Why did my dad agree to it?" Hiccup sounded dejected.

"It's not just about you. Someone has to chart the safest way for the dragons to travel and go back with that information."

"And you couldn't have said that from the beginning, like way back at Berk? I would have listened."

"No you wouldn't," she argued. "You're as stubborn as your father."

"Well, I had to get _something _from him."

"Don't give me that crap," Astrid scoffed. "You both have more in common than you think."

"We should depart post haste." Macintosh reminded them.

Hiccup gestured behind him. "But I haven't even had…" Looking back at the campfire he gave a sad sigh, his rabbit was little more than coal now. "We might as well leave now." He turned to Merida. "You owe me a rabbit by the way."

* * *

**Important announcement: **Only you can prevent forest fires. What? That's not it? Oh right, I remember now. Your friendly neighborhood Lazy Stalker needs your help to make this fic more awesome than it already is. Now, I know what you're saying, more awesome? That's impossible! This fic is already reaching unsafe levels of awesome; do you want us all to catch fire? And the answer is yes, yes I do. But pyromaniac tendencies apart, I need puns, Bear puns and Dragon puns, as many as you can get me, just drop them at the comment box below.

I also need someone to help me with MacGuffin's dialogue. I don't want it to be just: MacGuffin said something, nobody understood. So if anyone out there can translate his lines in to that incomprehensible brogue he speaks in the movie, send me a PM.

* * *

**FF. net presents: Real Internet heroes.**

**Chorus: Real Internet heroes!**

**Today we salute _you_ Mr. Fan-fiction reviewer. **

**Chorus: Mr. Fan-fiction reviewer!**

**Whether it be self insertions of song-fics,**

**You're the one that makes us know someone reads our crap.**

**Chorus: I read your crap!**

**You make sure new chapter come out relatively on time, **

**So that a fic doest die out when it shouldn't.**

**Chorus: Don't let it die!**

**Dedicating your self to a task others just ignore.**

**You can read every single fic on the net and say with pride:**

**I wasted my time on this crap.**

**Chorus: oh yea!**

**And no, I can't get it back.**

**So crack open a brand new story or chapter fiction nerd.**

**Because we're all glad you have your eyes on our work.**

**Chorus: Read some everyday!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Today is the forth of July, an important day the world over for one fact and one fact alone. It's my birthday, you know what that means?**

**It means welcome, to a very special birthday chapter of The price of choice. Yay! Now join me in the most traditional of birthday songs:**

He did the mash

He did the monster mash

The monster mash

It was a graveyard smash

He did the mash

It caught on in a flash

He did the mash

He did the monster mash

**As always, many thanks to my beta HungryDemon, who also did the mash.**

**I don't own either How to Train Your Dragon nor Brave 2012. Although if someone where to give them to me as a birthday gift, that would be awesome (wink, wink, nudge, nudge.).**

* * *

Chapter 7

After making sure his friends would go back home and watching them fly off, Hiccup, Merida and the other suitors rode towards Castle Dunbroch. Toothless was flying low, barely above the canopy of trees, to avoid detection.

Stopping at the edge of the forest, Merida continued by herself, in order to explain the situation. Leaving Hiccup alone with the young lords. He gazed at the castle in the distance with a small smile on his face; it was the biggest building he had ever seen!

Hiccup's smile aroused Ian's curiosity; he had never met a Viking before. "What are you smiling about?"

"I'm just glad I'm not the shortest person around anymore." Hiccup threw a sidelong glance at the Dingwall heir.

"I'd be careful if I were you, he bites," the other teen recommended. "So, what's the deal with you and that blonde?" The Macintosh heir asked out the blue.

"Nothing, we're just friends." Hiccup asked truthfully, a little surprised by the casualness in the other teen's voice, a casualness that was absent from his speech back at the camp.

"That didn't look like 'just friends' to me, come on, spill it." Ian egged him on.

"We are close friends," he relented. "But it never went further. And it never will."

"How deliciously poetic. However, leaving it unresolved like that, it leaves a bad taste in the mouth." Ian commented lightly.

Hiccup tilted his head to the side. "Unresolved? No, it's resolved. We talked about it, and said what we needed to say. The issue is dead and buried."

Ian gave him a pitying look; he obviously knew nothing about women. "In any case, I doubt your friends listened to you and are really on their way back."

"No," Hiccup agreed. "They are probably watching us right now."

"It seems as if your friends don't trust you." Ian searched the castle in the distance for some kind of activity.

"Yes, they're smart like that." Hiccup searched the night sky, as if he could find them by just looking. "But in this case, it's you guys they don't trust."

"And yet you seem not to care either way." Ian seemed intrigued.

"No offence to you guys, but I've dealt with uglier things than your lot." He scratched Toothless's head. "Besides, I'm a Viking, it's an occupational hazard."

Macintosh scowled at being called ugly, but seeing the lizard besides the skinny Viking, he conceded the point.

"I'm just bothered that I have to stay here for Thor knows how long," Hiccup confessed.

"Then why don't you go back?"

"Same reason _you_ don't. I'm guessing." Seeing the challenging look on the Scottish teen he elaborated, "We have to do our best for the people we will eventually be responsible for. Anything else would be selfish." He ran a hand thru his hair. "Out of all of us here I imagine that the big guy over there is the only one to have any feelings for the princess at all."

Hanging around dragons so much had given Hiccup an uncanny ability to pick up nonverbal cues, which unfortunately served him little in Berk, because Vikings were not the most expressive of folks and honest to a fault. Furthermore, you didn't need to be an expert at it to pick up some very good tells of how things stood.

Ian Macintosh, whom he was currently speaking to, had seemed to have been trying impress Astrid and Ruffnut back at campfire, he made an effort to remain in their line of sight whenever possible, and struck weird poses when he thought they were looking.

William Dingwall for his part kept giving Ruffnut, and strangely enough, Tuffnut looks that were like the ones he used to give to Astrid back in the day. That brought back memories, uncomfortable ones.

Doric MacGuffin on the other hand kept his attention solely on Merida the whole time, he didn't openly stare at her though; but he kept her within arms' reach, ready to pull her back in case one of his friends or the dragons suddenly attacked. Gauging every action carefully. It was a powerful tell.

MacGuffin turned to them and said something that sounded vaguely impassionate. Hiccup and Ian looked at each other for a moment before Hiccup who had been nodding slowly, shrugged. "I got nothing."

Dingwall continued looking forward.

Macintosh shrugged back at him and returned his gaze to the castle in the distance. He had been the first one to accept the princess's proposal because, well, practically everyone loved him already, so getting the princess to fall for him would be easy. Also, because the idea intrigued him. He had long ago accepted that his marriage would be one of political maneuvering, if not to the princess, then probably to the daughter of a chieftain or to the female heir of some minor clan. Emotions never factored in to it, despite how the tales that the bards sang; speaking of true love prevailing thru impossible odds inflamed him so. He was simply too important for that. Then someone even more important than him defied that notion, how could he not approve?

It would be a while later that he realized that nothing had really changed. Marrying the princess was still the best possible outcome for his clan and he was sure the other two realized that as well, even if he was allowed to wed by love, the only thing that changed was the game they had to win. It wasn't really fair, and if he was honest with himself, it kind of pissed him off.

XxX

_Inside the castle._

The moment Merida was let inside the castle she raced to the throne room, where she knew her parents were waiting. "Mum! Dad!"

Elinor was about to rebuke Merida for her loudness when she saw the look of worry on her daughter's face. "What is it Merida? Are you fine? Where are the young lords?"

Merida tried to catch her breath before speaking. "He's here, Mum, the Viking's here!"

Fergus immediately stood. "Are ye alright? How many o' them did ye see?"

"Jus' one," she lied, not wanting to tell them that she almost caused a war again by acting on impulse. "He's at the edge o' the forest with the lords' sons."

Fergus grimaced and exchanged glances with his wife. He had doubled patrols along the coast. How could he have gotten so close without anyone noticing? "He could nae have gotten this close without help, we must find the rest of his companions."

"No!" Merida interrupted. Thinking of what would happen if they actually found the dragon riding teens. "He's nae alone Dad! That's why he's on the forest. He's got a bloody dragon with him!"

Elinor paled, remembering half forgotten conversations and putting things together. "Merida, are you sure?"

"Course A'm bloody sure!" At her mother's disapproving look, Merida apologized and lowered her head. "It was big an scaly an had wings. A don't know what else it could be Mum."

Fergus narrowed his eyes. "It will be dangerous if he stays here. We must act carefully."

Merida's eyes widened.

"We would risk offending the Vikings," Elinor reminded him. "We will bring the boy here and judge where to go from there."

"Are ye feeling fine Mum?" Merida asked. She had never thought she would see the day where her dad asked for prudence and her mother, of all people, told him to just wing it.

"The situation is delicate Merida; in order to proceed correctly we need to know as much as we can. For the time being, our best source is the chief's son. Sending him away to the village or a farm would not do us any good."

"Aye," Fergus reluctantly agreed. "'Tis best if he stays. At least for the night."

XxX

It was a contingency of guards that met them at the edge of the forest to guide them to the castle. To say it was the biggest building Hiccup had even seen would be an understatement; he could see how hordes of invading Viking would have trouble storming such a place.

They were all ushered to the throne room, where even more guards waited for them.

The Queen observed the nervous Viking as he made his way, and suppressed a gasp when she saw what could only be a dragon trailing behind him. She hoped the guards did not startle the beast in to action.

While walking in the throne room, Hiccup had the feeling that his hosts didn't trust him. With guards all around and the other three suitors at his back, the feeling was strong indeed.

In front of him, sitting on twin thrones sat the King and Queen: A massive man with curly red hair and a peg leg that no doubt looked even bigger because none of the soldiers he had seen so far reached his chest. The Queen looked regal and sophisticated; Hiccup had never seen a woman like that. Sitting at her side were a trio of red headed boys who were staring at Toothless with eyes filled with wonder, while at the King's side sat the princess, giving him a cold look.

Stopping at what he considered a good distance before the throne, Hiccup wondered who was supposed to speak first. A sidelong glance at his friend revealed that he was getting ready to… _oh, no._ "Toothless, don't!"

Whatching Watching the Viking in front of him carefully, Fergus couldn't believe that this was a Viking's chief's son. Especially one whose title was "The Vast". _This better not be a trap_. Knowing the average Viking's girth and stature, he expected someone bigger. Except for his leg and his lizard there was nothing remarkable about the boy. Starting his greeting, his words died when he saw the dragon leap at his wife. _Treachery!_

The Queen felt terror overtake her for a moment as the beast leapt at her. Then the darndest thing happened: It stopped. The dragon halted right in front of her, gibing a few strong whiffs at the air around her before sitting on his haunches like one her husband's dogs, he gave her a big gummy smile. _He does not have any teeth_! Eyes wide and impossibly round, looking at her expectantly. Steeling herself, she reached out and gently patted the beast's head. She got a rumbling purr in return.

Fergus let loose a booming laugh. _A fearsome beast indeed_. He started to stand when a chilling growl stopped him midway. The dragon, that until moments ago had acted and looked more a playful puppy than a vicious killer, had completely changed his appearance. Crouching low on all for legs like a cat ready to pounce, his eyes were now slitted slit and narrowed in to a frightening scowl, and he apparently had somehow grown teeth, since he was bearing a row of sharp looking ones at him. He looked every bit the apex predator that he was. _A fearsome beast indeed._

Mindful of the fact that his wife was right beside the beast and his three sons behind it, Fergus slowly sat down. As soon as he did, the dragon retook his earlier pose: sitting peacefully, eyes big and round, looking at him curiously. Fergus started to stand once again and the beast snarled at him, once again ready to pounce. He sat down and the dragon calmed down once more. The seen scene repeated itself a few more times before Hiccup decided to interfere.

"He won't let you near while you carry a weapon," He informed respectfully. "Your Majesty." He added as an afterthought, wondering if he was going to have to finish all his sentences that way from now on.

"How do ye know Ah'm carrying a weapon?" Fergus raised an eyebrow at the young Viking.

Hiccup shrugged. "I don't." He tilted his head in Toothless's direction. "He does."

Fergus nodded his head and very carefully reached to his side where he pulled out a concealed dagger and threw it behind him. He then repeated the process with a sword he carried on his back. This time when he stood up, Toothless stood still. Moving to stand in front of the dragon he scratched it behind his earflaps. Toothless gave no indication that he welcomed the treatment, but didn't reject it either.

Taking that as their cue, the triplets jumped on Toothless and started climbing all over him. Said dragon endured this stoically and gave Hiccup a look that clearly meant, 'You owe me for this.'

Gently dislodging the triplets, Toothless bounded to Hiccup's side and the Viking scratched the dragon's side to show his gratitude. "Thanks buddy," he whispered. "Warn me next time, you almost gave me a heart attack."

Toothless snorted softly in amusement.

"Well then!" Fergus all but shouted. "A believe introductions are in order. Ah'm King Fergus, an' this lovely lady by me side is me wife Queen Elinor. Ye already met me daughter princess Merida, an' those little monsters are the triples Harris, Hubert an Hamish." He pointed to each one, not really knowing if it was the correct one.

"You, A believe, are chief's Stoic's son: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third." Hiccup nodded. "What happened to yer leg boy?"

"I had a bad fall," he answered doggedly. "I don't mean to be rude Your Majesty, but we've been traveling for days and are very tired. The princess found us when we were getting ready to go to sleep."

"Of course." The Queen nodded. "We shall continue tomorrow. I will have someone ready a stable for your dragon. Maudie will take you to your room."

"If you don't mind, I would prefer not to be separated from Toothless. I can sleep on the stable just fine." _I just want to go to sleep._

"Don't be daft lad," Fergus scolded. "It would ruin the treaty if A made ye sleep at the stables."

"I will not leave Toothless alone." Hiccup was firm in that.

"I would hate to contradict Your Highness," surprisingly, it was Ian Macintosh that talked. "But perhaps it would be unwise to separate the _fire breathing_ dragon from the one person that can control it."

"Aye." The king agreed. "Maudie! Take hem to their room."

Hiccup was guided to the room he would be staying by a heavyset woman that seemed on the verge of fainting the whole way. As soon as he entered, Toothless bounded to a corner, warmed himself a bed on the stone floor and settled down to sleep.

Hiccup unpacked his things and prepared to sleep as well. He couldn't help but feel that he'd been to too hasty in sending his friends back. No doubt they were camping somewhere, since traveling at night was dangerous. One last night with friends under the stars would have been wonderful.

After a while of just laying there on the bed he sighed, he was so tired, nevertheless he could not sleep, no matter how hard he tried, so he decided to have a look at Gobber's notes. He grabbed a book and opened it on a random page:

_I've been living with the Kombucha mushroom people for a few weeks now. No one is gonna believe I actually found them. Contrary to what the legends say, they're good people and they mostly just sit around all day._

_Today, after some sort of trance, the elder told me that I would have to leave soon. I think he sensed that the Boneknapper is near. This is a problem. The jungle is too dense and the Kombucha use no tools or have metal of any kind, to top it off, except for my eggbeater all of my attachments were lost in the shipwreck. On hindsight, I should have been steering the boat instead of making myself an omelet. I'm gonna have to find a way sharpen that eggbeater enough for my purposes. I think that if I…_

Hiccup closed the book; maybe he should give sleeping another try.

* * *

I'm still waiting on those puns guys and the MacGuffin thing too.

Alright, today on account of how awesome a day it is. We're going to have a more difficult challenge: Find the hidden song, tell me its name and the band that plays it and win a supper special awesome price.

Hint: It's not the Monter Mash.

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**Hey there, you are cordially invited to the party of the century, so if you're near CENSORED come on by, there will food, drinks, music and more.**

**So drop by CENSORED between CENSORED and CENSORED, in beautiful down town CENSORED. See you there!**

**The price of admission? Some feedback on the space below.**


	8. Chapter 8

**As always this space is reserved for an expression of gratitude towards my beta HungryDemon, keep on trucking, man.**

**As nobody gave them to me as a present (bummer), I still don't own either How to Train Your Dragon nor Brave 2012. Maybe next year.**

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Chapter 8

It was bleary eyed Hiccup that made his way to the dining hall for breakfast, his stomach overwriting his need for sleep. He mumbled a greeting to the royal family who were eating along with the young lords, served himself a brownish lump of meat on his plate and started eating mechanically.

The king could barely contain his mirth. "Do ye know what yer eating lad?"

"A brownish lump of meat?" Was the best answer Hiccup's brain could come up with at that moment.

"It's called haggis." Fergus answered.

"I'm eating one of your sons? That's terrible." Hiccup's tone didn't change nor did he stop eating.

"Haggis, not Hamish!" Merida informed him. She was still mad at him, but seeing him like that was very entertaining.

"What's the difference?" Hiccup didn't get it.

"One's a Scottish prince an the other's the heart, lungs an liver of a sheep boiled in its own stomach." Merida wanted to see his reaction.

"Well, they both sound delicious." He turned to the triplets. "Hey, little guy. Did you know you're named after a dish?"

Hubert, who Hiccup was talking to, pointed at Hamish, the correct triplet.

"Him too? I've never heard of a dish called Harris."

Merida palmed her face. The young lords seemed to be trying to hold in their laughter.

"Would I be correct in assuming you are still asleep Master Haddock?" The Queen asked.

"Of course not, Gobber, I filled the charcoal pit last night."

The Queen took that as a yes.

It would be a while yet before Hiccup was lucid enough to have a real conversation.

"Did ye sleep well?" Fergus's smile showed he already knew the answer.

Hiccup grimaced and stretched a little, a loud series of pops were heard, as his spine and various other bones arranged themselves were they where supposed to go. After apologizing to the Queen, who looked at him in a reproaching manner for his crude actions, he answered. "I don't know how you people sleep on those beds." He rubbed his shoulder. "They're so soft; I thought mine was going to eat me."

That had not been the answer Fergus was expecting since he had taken it upon himself to make the room as uncomfortable as possible. Picking the coldest room in the castle, he put the hardest bed he could find in it. Just because they had to put up with the Viking didn't mean they had to make him feel welcome. What he failed to take into account was that as Viking, Hiccup was used to much colder temperatures, so the room didn't even register in his mind as cold. He slept on planks of wood shaped like a bed, so the rock-like bed he was given felt feather soft to him. Ironically, if they had given him a normal bed he would have freaked out.

"Can I ask you a question?" Hiccup addressed the King.

Fergus nodded. "Go ahead, lad."

"Does everyone in your kingdom wear a dress?"

Doric was suddenly coughing uncontrollably, choking on his food while Ian started laughing fiercely at the question.

"Dress? This here's a kilt, laddie! The traditional garment of me people, an the tartan it sports, shows to everyone yer clan an yer honor!"

Hiccup nodded slowly. "So, yes?"

Fergus left eyebrow twitched. "Aye."

The Queen decided to move the conversation along. "Tell us about your home, Master Haddock."

_Master Haddock? _Hiccup shrugged it off. "You want to know about Berk? Well, Berk is twelve days north of hopeless and a few degrees south of freezing to death. It's located solidly on the Meridian of Misery. It snows nine months of the year, and hails the other three. Any food that grows there is tough, and tasteless. The people that grow there are even more so."

"If it's so awful why don't ye just leave?" Fergus suppressed a wince as soon as he finished asking the question. Of course they tried to leave. They tried to leave and settle in _his _land.

Hiccup shrugged. "Most people would leave. Not us. We're Vikings. We have... stubbornness issues. Besides, it's not that bad. We have fishing, hunting, and a charming view of the sunsets."

"One would assume you would count the fauna among the perks," Macintosh piped in.

Hiccup laughed.

XxX

After breakfast Hiccup tried to find his way back to his room. The number of twists and turns making it a little difficult for him remember the way. _Maybe I should make a map_. He did not ask for help because that would mean admitting he was lost, and he wasn't lost, just a little misplaced. _Not that I'm lost, I'm just exploring. _His exploring eventually took him to a place that would make his stay with the Scotts a lot more pleasant.

"They have a library, a big library." _Jackpot!_

It was there that the Queen found him, hours later, surrounded by books and scrolls.

"I see you found our library," she announced herself.

"This place is incredible, Your Highness." Hiccup was engrossed taking notes.

"Please, call me Elinor," she asked.

"That's not gonna happen," he told her in a distracted manner. "Not until all the people with spears stop glaring at me when I pass by them."

The Queen nodded, accepting that. "It is good to see someone in this room, here by their own will."

"They don't know what they're missing," he commented absently. "I just wish I could read any of the books here."

"You mean you can not?" The Queen was surprised.

"I only know runic," he told her. "These characters are different and the structure is a little confusing, but there are enough similarities that it won't be too difficult figuring it out. I just need a bit of time." He gestured to some of the scrolls at his side. "These ones however, I can't make heads or tails of."

"That is because they are in Latin." The Queen informed him.

"Latin?"

The Queen's eyes lit up. "Yes, Latin is a language spoken since ancient times by the greatest minds the world has ever known. It is a language of culture, refinement and knowledge. If there is a tongue that will live to the end of time, it will be Latin, mark my words, Master Haddock."

"Ancient language of knowledge…" Hiccup considered that for a moment. Bork couldn't have been the only one to document dragons and their behaviors, which was his main reason for trying to decipher the Scottish written language. If this Latin was as important as the Queen said it was, learning it would be a worthy use of his time. On the other hand, he only had so much time: He had to take care of Toothless and study Gobber's notes on top of translating a written language in order to search for information about dragons; he also had to romance the princess… somehow. So, in the end there was only one answer.

"Can you teach it to me? Your Highness…"

The Queen smiled at him. It made him feel uncomfortable.

XxX

As the days passed, Hiccup was able to get a better read on the young lords.

William Dingwall for example, was an artist, a good one at that. Not like Hiccup, whose talent at drawing was limited to making things look like what they're supposed to look. It was a skill that served him well for designing, drawing blueprints and more recently, to illustrate the dragon manual and make a few portraits of his friends. No, if anything, William was more like Bucket, in that what they made conveyed emotions, somehow. Even their expressions and general disposition was similar. However, unlike Bucket, whose train of thought could be described as a jumbled mess of half formed ideas, Hiccup had discovered that the gangly teenager was constantly rearranging things in his head; textures and colors and general compositions.

Doric MacGuffin he knew the least. Simply because he could not understand a word he said. However, from observing him, Hiccup had concluded certain facts:

He was uncomfortable doing activities not strictly physical, it seemed like he was afraid of breaking whatever he was doing.

He had feelings for the princess, as he was extra careful not to break anything in her presence and he adopted shyer mannerisms when she was near.

The third thing he had discovered was that he liked to cook. During the third day of his stay in the castle, the MacGuffin heir had barged in during breakfast carrying a tray of… well; he took a biscuit, cut it in half and put an egg and a slice of sausage between the two halves. From what little they'd been able to piece together from his explanation, he called them Egg MacGuffins. The triplets loved them.

Ian Macintosh, well, Ian was a strange case. At first glance he was all about appearances, competitive, arrogant and conceited. A second glance confirmed it. Yet, as soon as the area was devoid of females he was the easiest one to talk to, as he fancied himself a man of culture. Culture Hiccup didn't really get.

"Okay, check this one out. 'A magical talking bear and a runaway gypsy princess with an attitude. Together, they fight crime on the busy streets of Rome. Using questionable methods to ensure the law is upheld.' I call it 'Bearly Legal.'"

"I'm not gonna lie to you Ian. It sounds… unique." Hiccup scratched his head.

"I borrowed from a couple of different sources, but it's mostly an original idea," Ian declared proudly.

Hiccup couldn't quite wrap his head around the concept. He knew that the tales of great men often got represented by actors or puppets, to entertain and to educate children, in fact, they themselves did that. During Bork's week, a representation of some of Bork's adventures was played for the village, with props and disguised villagers playing the roles of the dragons. He had even heard that this year they where gonna use real dragons. _Man, I would give my left foot to see that. _He looked down. _Wait a minute, I already did! And I still won't get to see it, crud. _He forcefully took his mind away from that train of thought and back to the previous one. Making stories up struck him as strange.

"The tales of heroes," Ian said, as if sensing his thoughts. "Of wars, of kings, of battles. They get changed, exaggerated, twisted with the passage of time until little remains of the original and we take fiction as fact. If that is to be their destiny, why not just make something up from the beginning? A lie that can't be mistaken for anything else, one that you can manipulate to your liking, just for the entertainment value. It's a way to unburden ourselves from the lies of the past. That is what theater is all about."

Hiccup shrugged. "If you say so."

XxX

"… and finally Omega. Omega has a numerical value of 800 and as the last letter it is usually used to denote the last, the end, or the ultimate limit of a set, in contrast to alpha, which is used to mark the beginning(1)."

Hiccup nodded and jotted down a few notes.

"After observing you these last few days," the Queen commented lightly. "I cannot help but notice that you are avoiding my daughter."

"It's to calm everyone that thinks I'm going to kidnap her at the nearest opportunity. Me being a rough and buff Viking and all." Hiccup flexed his arms trying to show off his muscles.

"Nobody thinks you would abduct Merida, Master Haddock." The Queen assured him.

"Really? No one? That's kind of rude."

The Queen's expression let him know she did not appreciate the divergence.

Hiccup coughed nervously. "We have an agreement."

Elinor raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Well, it's not an agreement, agreement, in that we didn't really agree. It's more one of those unspoken agreements were we agreed to…"

The Queen interrupted him. "Please get to the point, Master Haddock, and if I hear the word 'agreement' one more time, I will smack you," she informed him with all the grace and poise of a Queen.

"You'd do that?" Hiccup wasn't so sure.

"I would order someone to do it for me." Her voice was even, but there was a trace of mischief in it.

Hiccup narrowed his eyes, trying to piece together a decent answer. "Your daughter is mad at me for some reason and seems to be willing to do anything to avoid me. For _my _part, I'd rather not deal with it right now." _I had enough with that sort of treatment back home_.

"So, basically, you are both acting like children." The Queen concluded.

Hiccup shrugged. "I'm okay with that."

"That does not strike me as a good way to win he heart."

"You make it sound like she's a prize in a race." Seeing that his comment hurt the queen, Hiccup quickly kept talking. "I'm sure you don't mean it like that. But I'm being completely serious about this engagement. I know for a fact that you can't force people to change their opinion of you." There was sadness in Hiccup's face and voice before he literally shrugged it off. "Sure, one look at my rugged handsome features can get any woman to fall madly in love with me instantly." To prove his point he gave the Queen his best seductive face, which actually looked quite funny.

The Queen laughed good-naturedly.

"I will not become my cousin," He continued in a more serious tone. "And constantly throw myself at someone that can barely tolerate my presence. I'm sure she'll calm down eventually, when that happens I can at the very least try to be her friend. Until then, what's the point in spending time with someone if neither of you are going to enjoy the experience? That is the whole point of this isn't it? Letting her marry for love."

The Queen had nothing to say to that.

Hiccup leafed thru a book during the silence that followed, not really paying attention until an illustration stopped him cold.

The Blue Oleander.

"Your Highness, this flower. Can you tell me what it says here?" Hiccup couldn't quite keep the urgency out of his voice.

The Queen was about to scold him for such a blatant change in topic, but saw his face and knew this was important to him. "It says here that this flower was often used in ancient times by druids to create a potion that could make a man temporarily lose his mind for the purpose of communing with the spirits, but it fell out of use due to the plant being mildly toxic and poisoning the drinkers slowly, over time."

"So it can be poisonous to humans too..." Hiccup whispered.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, could you please tell me more?"

The queen smiled. "Of course."

XxX

Holding court along with his wife, King Fergus wished Merida or the triples where there today, to stir things a little. Fergus spared a glance at the farmer currently pleading his case and allowed his mind to wander. Two weeks had passed since the skinny Viking's arrival and he had yet to do anything nefarious. He doubted the kid had it in him to begin with, but Fergus didn't want to be complacent and lower his guard. Scanning the crowd in from of him, Fergus saw a face he recognized, one he did not wanted to see again.

"YOU!" Fergus leapt to his feet and pointed. His face showed rage. "What are ye doing here!"

* * *

(1) My beta helpfully informed that Classic Latin actually uses the same alphabet as English; Greek uses alpha and omega. However since I'm too lazy and busy to do the proper research and rewrite right now, you'll have deal with it. Brave is a gigantic anachronistic stew anyway

As I'm currently dealing with some family health issues, the next couple of chapter probably wont be quite on time.

No one guessed the challenge last chapter? It's not the tittle that's hidden in the chapter is part of the lirics. Ok, here's a gigantic hint: Armenians

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**Yo, feedback keeps the juices flowing, the creator juices that is. Did you think I was talking about something else? Sheesh, although…**


	9. Chapter 9

**Insert expression of gratitude to Beta HungryDemon , here:  
**

**Standard disclaimer disclosure between one or more franchises and or Copywrite material.**

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Chapter 9

Fergus was furious. "Wot are ye doing here!"

"We have unfinished business if you recall," A voice from within the crowd answered him, an annoying voice.

"Everyone out!" Fergus bellowed. "Not ye, ye arse! Everyone else!"

"But sire, wot aboot me cabbages?"

"Bring it up next time. Now get!"

As the throne room cleared of pheasants a lone figure remained. Dressed in a grey shirt and a kilt with the colors of the Dunbroch clan, Knifenut Thorston smiled at the monarchs like the cat that ate the canary.

"How the bloody hell did ye get in here?"

Knifenut posed with his kilt. "Thru the front door. There are advantages to not having an average Viking physique." He twirled.

"Very clever." Fergus's tone indicated his words were not a compliment.

"They don't call me The Cunning for nothing." He pulled a pair of pants out of a satchel at his side. "Do you mind? It's drafty in here."

While Fergus visibly restrained himself from strangling the Viking, Elinor decided to move things along. "And to what do we owe the _pleasure _of your visit?"

"Well, last time we met, the peace talks where cut short because of… schedule problems. I've been sent to continue where we left off."

"How thoughtful." The Queen deadpanned.

Knifenut suddenly started looking around. "If you'll excuse me for just a second." He gave a sharp whistle and a small dragon appeared, it flew from somewhere and landed on his head.

Both Monarchs were surprised at seeing the dragon, it was the size of a cat with a serpentine like body, topped with fleshy spikes, a round horned head that seemed almost too big for such a slender neck, a pair of bat like wings and four clawed little legs completed the ensemble. It was a reddish Terrible Terror.

Knifenut sighed in annoyance. "Go find Hiccup, go!" The dragon left just as quickly as he appeared. "Now then, where were we?"

"How did ye get here?" Fergus tone was all business.

"We went thru this already, I used the door."

"Ye now what A mean!" Fergus snapped. "Answer the question, how did ye get here?"

"Oh, that. It's simple: I hitched a ride with my kids."

XxX

Two weeks had passed and Hiccup thought he was doing pretty well. The guards tended to ignore him now, instead of glaring at him. He was advancing at a good pace in his classes with the Queen, he was on somewhat friendly terms with his rivals and his relationship with the princess had moved from her outright ignoring him to her giving him short pointed answers. Progress!

He was just coming back from his morning flight with Toothless when he spotted a sizeable group of people outside the castle walls, close to the cliff. A group that included princess Merida and the three young lords. Landing nearby, Hiccup went to investigate. "Hey guys, what's happening?"

Surprisingly, it was William who answered. "Two headed dragon from before, napping over there." The Dingwall heir kept turning his head, searching for something.

"Two heads…" Hiccup made his way to the front if the crowd, where he saw a Hideous Zippleback happily catching some Z's "Barf? Belch? What are you doing here? Wait, if you're here that means that…"

"Surprise!" Twin voices greeted him as Ruffnut and Tuffnut each grabbed one of his arms and started dragging him.

"Please tell me you're not here, just because you were bored," Hiccup pleaded.

"No way, man," Tuffnut answered him. "We're here with dad on business."

Ruffnut nodded. "Besides, Astrid would have our head if we just left."

"And not in a good way," Tuffnut piped in. "She's been totally harsh since we came back, been doing all kinds of drills."

"But now that we're here, we are gonna have lots of fun." Ruffnut's voice became husky.

Hiccup was afraid to ask. "What kind of fun?" He did it anyway, noting they were getting awfully close to the cliff.

"Guess," Tuffnut told him, and then they both threw him off the cliff.

"You guys suuu…" SPLASH!

"That was fun," Ruffnut said, ignoring the horrified looks sent their way.

"Let's go then," Tuffnut told her.

"Yeah!" They both head butted each other, hard, the clang of their helmets clashing together ringed loudly. Then they jumped.

Dingwall jumped after them.

XxX

Knifenut wandered thru the castle after the meeting was finished, trying to find out how he got lost. _Didn't I have like a hundred guards trailing me? _Having ducked in a room to change into some proper clothes, he found himself completely alone and with no idea of where to go. _Maybe I should have Hiccup draw me a map? "_Lost in thought, he almost didn't saw the trio of redheads blocking his path with determined expressions on their faces.

"I see that this castle has fierce protectors. I shall thread carefully."

The triplets nodded and puffed their chests, as if to say 'see that you do.'

Knifenut smiled. "You kids want to see something neat?" He extended his left arm, palm up and the triplets could see something slithering along his arm and exit thru his sleeve, before coiling around his wrist. Knifenut scratched the top of his head and the creature hissed in a way that could only be described as contentment. "This little fellow is a Slitherfang, and even if it looks like a snake, it's actually a dragon."

As if to prove the point, the little critter extended a pair of bat like wings it had folded against his body.

"It's not the biggest, or able to produce fire like the other dragons." The Slitherfang gave an annoyed hiss. "But that doesn't make them any less dangerous. They can make a smoke screen to conceal their movements, and their venom contains a powerful paralytic they use to hunt. These little creature hunt in packs, you know? When they find their prey, they fill the area with smoke to confuse him, then one of them creeps close and bites it. Once the prey is paralyzed, the rest of the pack comes, and they all have a delicious and _very _fresh lunch."

"If you are trying to scare my children," the Queen intoned from behind Knifenut, "You are going to do better than that."

The small serpent like dragon was startled by the voice and quickly dove back into the sleeve. Its master, however, turned to face the Queen with a big and somewhat fake smile on his face.

"I suppose being eaten alive just doesn't have the same shock value it did back in my time." He sighed. "Regardless, I'm not trying to scare them. I'm giving them a piece of advice that has served me well throughout my life." He held the triplets gaze. "Just because you're tiny doesn't mean you're not deadly. You have to be careful, though, because what it does mean is that you are easier to squish."

A fair amount of steel appeared on the in the Queen's voice. "Are you threatening my children?"

Knifenut blinked. "I was talking about me, actually. I don't know if you've seen a lot of Vikings, but I'm not exactly up to par with my brethren."

"I make it a habit not to see _any _Vikings," The Queen told him icily.

Knifenut smiled. "A wise and healthy lifestyle choice if I may say so. But back to my point, I'm actually rather fond of children. They're smarter than people give them credit for. The perfect example is that they always turn tail and run when they see us, instead of dying in a futile attempt to defend their meager belongings. Run and live, fight and die, that's what I always say. It's that simple."

"How merciful of you, however, I doubt your victims would see it that way." The disgust in Elinor's voice was palpable.

Knifenut shrugged nonchalantly. "They should, they'd live longer. It's nothing personal on our part."

"It must be easy to say that when you don't…"

"When you don't what?" Knifenut snapped at the Queen, startling her. "Don't know what it's like?" His voice became a sneer, his face a mask of hatred. "Did you see Hiccup's scaly friend? We were in constant battle with those hellish creatures for three hundred bloody years! Can you even imagine what that is like? Once or twice a month they would come for our food. What chance where we given to run away? Where would you even run in an island? We were burned and trampled and gored and maimed. We died and hungered because of them, yet now we live side by side. Do you think that would be possible if there was hate between us? It was nothing personal for the dragons, and to hate them for it would be just as stupid as if a deer hated the arrow that killed it."

The Queen was stunned. "Would you have escaped if given the choice?"

Knifenut's deranged smile gave her the answer she needed. _Of course not, to a Viking there is no greater joy than fighting to death. _He visibly composed himself. "If you'll excuse me, I have to make sure my kids don't burn down your kingdom."

XxX

On a nearby beach, four teenagers lay panting on the ground, having narrowly escaped death.

William was on his hands and knees, catching his breath. He tried to stand up, but his shaky legs wouldn't let him. That had been the most intense experience of his life! There had been no time for contemplation or emotion, rage, fear, doubt, any of those could have gotten him killed; smashed against the side of the cliff or swallowed by the merciless might of the Loch Ness. A fight between man and the elements with only his will and determination on his side, he wanted to run to the castle and put his excitement at the experience on a canvas, but still lacked the strength to move.

"We almost died!" Tuffnut cheered between gulps of air. "That was awesome!"

"Whana go again?" Ruffnut asked.

"Na, I'm still too tired."

Ruffnut snorted. "Men."

Hiccup was laying face down on the sand; he was so tired he couldn't even manage the strength to turn around, or to care about the strange crooning he had heard while underwater. "Have I ever told you guys how much I hate you?" Toothless was gently prodding his side with his head.

"Yeah, right." Tuffnut didn't buy it. "I bet this is the first fun thing you've done since getting here."

Hiccup groaned, but said nothing. They were right. He had been taking it easy since he arrived, and as terrifying as the drop and the swim were, it was also the most fun he had in weeks. Not that he would ever admit it.

Ruffnut grinned. "Speaking of fun, are you plowing the princess yet?"

"A'hem standing right here, ye know!" Merida's face was red.

And indeed she was, as soon as they saw the direction in which they where swimming she took off running towards the beach along with Ian and Doric.

"You guys remember princess Merida, right?" Hiccup asked.

"No."

"Nope."

"Nae."

"Yer trying to court me, ye jackass," she scolded Dingwall. "How can ye not remember me?"

"Don't be too hard on the boy; from the looks of it, someone dropped him on his head when he was little," A voice behind her spoke.

Merida turned around to find a wiry Viking standing behind them. _What? _She hadn't noticed him at all!

"Are you guys having fun?" The stranger asked.

"You bet, Dad, we just went for a swim." Tuffnut answered him.

"I can see that, you could have waited for your old man, you know?"

Ruffnut scoffed at that. "As if, you said you where gonna be in the castle _all _day."

Knifenut nodded. "That I did. However, it appears that the clan heads must be present for some reason. So until they get here I'm stuck. Then I thought, now's a good time for that camping trip I owe my kids."

Ruff and Tuff's faces lit up immediately. Hiccup had never seen the twins so happy before, their faces didn't sport their traditional mean smirk or a leer or grins, but full blown happy smiles. "You mean it?" They chorused, not even noticing they were mirroring each other.

"Of course I do," he assured them. "I just have to take care of something really quick and we'll leave as soon as you're ready." Knifenut started searching the surroundings with his gaze. "Where is that blasted lizard? I sent it to find Hiccup ages ago." He seemed displeased.

Said blasted lizard chose that moment to appear, landing on Knifenut's head. "I hate this thing so much." His voice was calm and resigned.

"Why did you guys brought a Terrible Terror here?" Hiccup was curious.

"You can blame your pal Ingerman for that one," Knifenut answered him. "He trained it to deliver messages, so we're showing him the way. I just wished he had picked a less annoying one."

The Terror was gnawing one of the horns of his helmet, as if to prove the point.

Hiccup was very surprised at that. "That's brilliant! He taught a Terror to act like…"

"Like a bloody carrier pigeon!" Merida finished for him. Who uses dragons instead of pigeons? Why would you even want to use dragons instead of pigeons?"

Hiccup had finally managed a semi sitting position. "Well, to be fair, I've never actually seen pigeons on Berk."

"I have," Knifenut commented.

"May I inquire as to their fate?" Ian asked.

It was Tuffnut that answered him. "The dragons ate them."

"Viking promotion at its finest." Ruffnut nodded sagely.

"At least they're working off their meal," commented Hiccup, who started laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

Knifenut started chuckling. "Let that be a lesson to you kids, there's no such thing as a free meal." He burst out laughing too.

After that, all four Vikings took turns trying to outdo each other with puns.

"I guess their check's in the mail."

"We're really pushing the envelope on that one."

"We'll have to feed it well or he'll become mail-nourished."

Merida just stood there watching the Vikings laugh and trade puns and figured that making sure her 'suitors' were alive was about the extent of her obligation to them. She could not help voicing her opinion, though. "Yer all insane."

Knifenut wiped a tear from his eyes. "Sanity was breed out of Berk about four generations ago."

Hiccup thought about that for a second. "I'm surprised it lasted that long." That started a new bout of laughter.

Merida turned her head and started to leave. She had walked at most ten paces when something landed at the top of her head. She stood stock still. "It's in me head ain't it?"

Doric and Ian nodded, William wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention.

She started reaching to pluck the little lizard of off her when Knifenut's voice stopped her. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Terrible Terrors while not overly dangerous by themselves, they _can _breathe fire and have enough snapping power to bite your finger clean off." He shrugged. "Why do you think I let this flying pest gnaw at my helmet?"

Hiccup couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so hard or so long. Cold, wet and tired as he was, the news that he would be able to send letters and receive news from Berk cheered him up immensely. So much in fact, that he didn't mind one bit when Doric picked him up by the back of his shirt to speak with him face to face. Toothless didn't react, so there was no hostility in the act.

The MacGuffin heir spoke to him, and while Hiccup didn't understand a word the burly Scott said, he did get the gist of what he was saying: 'Go help the princess.'

"Of course I'll help her, don't worry. If Fishlegs trained that Terror, he won't react badly unless he feels threatened, so don't pull out any weapons and the princess will be all right."

Doric nodded and carried Hiccup towards Merida, feeling a little better already.

"Come on, little red." Hiccup offered his shoulder. "Why don't you climb off the pretty princess and we'll go find a nice juicy fish?"

The Terror made a whirring sound and tried to take a more comfortable position on the princess's head. Merida felt it move but not leave. "Wot is it doing?"

"It looks like nesting to me," Hiccup answered.

"Yer kidding me…" Merida was not amused.

Hiccup smiled. "A little bit. A dragon would never really nest near other living beings. They nest on bare rocks near water, because their eggs explode when they hatch."

Merida paled at that.

Seeing that he was scaring her instead of calming her down, Hiccup grabbed her hands and looked her straight in the eyes. "You are not in any danger, understand?"

She nodded.

Hiccup turned to face the young lords. "Does anyone have something shiny on them?" Ian gave him a small sheet of silver, polished to a mirror shine. Hiccup took it and showed it to the dragon, who immediately leap at it, Hiccup caught the Terror in mid leap and after a few scratches it was a puddle in his arms.

"He's not really a bad guy, you see?" Hiccup made Merida hold the little dragon and told her where to scratch it, soon, she had a purring dragon on her arms and a smiling Viking at her side. "Now you're his friend," he told her. "And a dragon would never hurt his friends. Right, Toothless?"

Toothless made a sound and let his tongue hang out of his mouth. "That means yes," Hiccup assured her. "You guy should go back to the castle and give him a fish, I'll catch up later." Merida nodded and the Scotts left. Turning back to his fellow Vikings, Hiccup found them gone already. "Guess it's just you and me." He smiled at a loud voice in the distance.

"Bloody heck, it's in me head again!"

Taking a step Hiccup winced as pain shot thru his leg, Toothless was at his side in an instant, helping him stand. "Looks like walking is not a good idea right now, can you give me lift bud?"

* * *

Sweet mama jamma! Taking care of someone 24/7 is tough, taking care of several people 24/7 is freaking exhausting.

To make up for the schedule slips next chapter will be extra long (no pun intended.) so make sure to look out for that.

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**Standard plea for feedback!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Kudos to my beta HungryDemon who's speedy work allowed me to post the chapter on time.**

**Listen to yourself, man. ****_My_**** beta. You can't ****_own_**** a beta, man; they're one of God's creatures, man… or in this case, the Devil's creatures seeing as we're talking about a Demon… wow, shiny… the point is you can't own a beta any more than you can own either How to Train Your Dragon nor Brave 2012, though that one is because you're poor, and by you I mean me, cause we are one, man.**

* * *

Chapter 10

Three days passed before the three Lords arrived at Dunbroch castle, unlike the last time they visited, they arrived on horseback, accompanied by no more than five men each. That didn't stop them from having a race to see who got to the castle first.

Hiccup was introduced to the Lords, who immediately ignored him in favor of bickering with each other. That changed late in the afternoon, when the twins' Zippleback landed in the middle of the castle's courtyard and its three passengers built a campfire, completely ignoring the guards, servants, and miscellaneous onlookers.

"Should we invite them in?" Elinor looked unsure on how to proceed.

Hiccup shook his head "Na, we should just let them finish their camping trip. The twins don't see their dad a lot because he's usually out of the village…"

"Raiding? Pillaging?" The Queen's tone made it clear that she already knew the answer.

Hiccup gave her a sheepish look. "Well, yeah."

"They stand for a pickle of leverage those beasties," Lord Dingwall grumbled. "Yer telling me they're not all wee little critters like the fellow camping on the princess's noggin?"

Hiccup shook his head. "Dragons come in all sizes, from really small to really big."

"What would be the biggest dragon you've ever seen?" Lord MacGuffin asked in his deep rumbling voice.

Hiccup suppressed a shudder as he remembered staying barely ahead of a sea of fire. "I wouldn't know how else to describe it, other than really, really big," he lied.

"And where is _yer _dragon, boy?" Lord Macintosh gave him a suspicious look.

"Toothless, my dragon that is, is having a nap in my room."

"Yer dragon has no teeth?" Lord Macintosh's look went from suspicious to confused.

Fergus laughed at that. "The beast has teeth alright, he just likes playing possum." The King grabbed one of Hiccup's shoulders and led him away not too subtly.

"Can I help you, your Majesty?" Hiccup asked when once they were out of earshot.

"Yer limping."

"Excuse me?"

"Yer limping."

Hiccup shrugged. "Well, I've been having a bit of pain once in a while, nothing really serious…"

"Yer outgrowing yer leg," Fergus interrupted. "Ye should get a new one soon." He walked away.

XxX

Next morning the Scotts bore witness to a peculiar sight as they investigated the sounds of combat originating from the courtyard.

Knifenut stood in a relaxed position while Ruffnut and Tuffnut circled him, each wielding a double ended spear. As soon as Ruffnut was out of his peripheral vision, Tuffnut made a feint to distract his father; instead of keeping his attention on his son, Knifenut half turned to avoid a spear thrust from Ruffnut. "You still make noise," he admonished as he closed in and floored her with a clothesline.

Ruffnut rolled out of a stomp that would have caved her face in and barely avoided a second; a third one did not come because her brother intervened.

Seeing Knifenut's concentrating on his sister as an opportunity, Tuffnut charged at his father with his spear.

The older Viking saw it, though; he stepped to the side and meet his son's lunge with a kick to the chest that pushed him backwards, grabbing the shaft of the spear Knifenut reeled his son back in to give him a head but that dropped him to the ground.

He gave Ruffnut a kick to keep her from getting up and retreated a small distance to give them some breathing air. "You are one!" He scolded. "Just like your dragon, you may _look _separate but you're not. Concentrate, coordinate."

The twins got up slowly and adopted a more hunched over posture; the matching look on their faces could only be described as vindictive. It made Knifenut smile. "Let's go."

The spectacle of the older Viking beating the snot out of his children gathered quite the audience, including the royal family and the lords with their son's, though they all stayed closer to the castle, a decision that proved wise when they all started throwing knifes and spears and axes at each other.

Lord Dingwall had a firm grasp on his son's shoulder to prevent him from going in to rage and joining the fray. "Look at the mugs of them two, they be as happy as a pig in a sty."

"It does not matter if they enjoy it; I still find it barbaric." Elinor couldn't suppress a wince as Knifenut backhanded his daughter, making her spin as she fell. As lively and adventurous as Merida was, her husband treated her like she was made of glass, even as he trained her to fight with a sword. Not wanting to see anymore of the violent spectacle, the Queen went back inside and found herself face to face with a sleepy looking Hiccup, lost in thought. "Late night reading again, Master Haddock?"

Hiccup nodded. "No, sir. It's just that I was reading until late last night and I couldn't get much sleep."

Elinor shook her head fondly. "Is that so? Then why are you awake so early?"

"I need a quick snack before me and Toothless go and keep the twins distracted."

The Queen stiffened at his words. "I do not believe you should hurry for your friends' sake, at the moment they are quite preoccupied being beaten black and blue by their father."

"They are? That's strange," Hiccup mused.

"Is it?"

"Yes, it's very hard to get the twins to wake up so early in the morning."

Elinor fought the urge to palm her head. "Come along Master Haddock, the servants should have finished setting up breakfast by now."

"Yes, Your Highness. You know, I've always wondered… Why do always have salmon for breakfast?"

"The same reason my dessert is always berries and honey, Master Haddock." Elinor answered cryptically.

"Is it so King Fergus won't swipe them?"

"That is one of the reasons." She admitted.

XxX

After a quick breakfast, Hiccup rushed to the courtyard where Knifenut and the twins had just finished their training session. Ruffnut was on her hands and knees panting with exhaustion while Tuffnut was flat on his back, his father's foot on his chest keeping him pinned there.

"Morning guys, are you done? You're barely bleeding at all."

"Dad said we needed to take it easy because there are too many people watching," said Tuffnut from his position on the ground.

"Exactly, the Scotts think of us as savages for some reason." Knifenut idly stomped Tuffnut in the chest making him spasm and cough.

"I honestly cannot imagine why." Hiccup deadpanned.

"Some people are just weird, we shouldn't worry about it." Ruffnut got to her feet and spit a gob of blood to the side, wiping her mouth afterwards with her bracers.

The elder Thorston shook his head and started walking away. "I have to get ready for work, have fun kids."

"Bye, Dad!" Ruff and Tuff chorused, before turning their attention to Hiccup.

"So, how was the camping trip?" Hiccup was curious.

"It was awesome, man. Dad taught us how to kill a boar with nothing but a pocket knife and a toothpick; also, Ruffnut almost got gored."

Ruffnut looked incredibly cheerful at that.

"That's great, on one of my last hunting trips with dad he tried to teach me how to kill a boar by using my head." Hiccup frowned at the memory.

"You mean, like think it to death?"

Hiccup grimaced. "Not exactly."

_Flashback_

An eight-year-old Hiccup watched incredulously as his father wrestled with a boar.

"What you have to remember is that once you grab a hold of its tusks you have to use strength and leverage to keep the beast from moving." Stoick gave a yank and forced the boar on its knees. "Once you got it in to position, you just…" Wham. "Have to use," Wham, squeal. "Precise." Wham. "Head butts." Wham. "right between the eyes." Wham, crunch, wham.

Stoick stood up, satisfied the boar was dead and turned to face his son, face dribbling with the animal's blood. "Now that's what I call using your head." He laughed, not noticing Hiccup's sickly green palor. "If you angle your head you can use your helmet, but they usually get dented and Gobber gets annoyed, you'll never hear the end of it." Hearing the bushes nearby rustle, Stoick addressed his son. "That's probably his friend, and he's gonna be mad. So it looks like it's your turn now."

Sure enough, a boar emerged from the bushes, saw his friend and charged at the most appropriate target for its rage, the little one (1).

Hiccup was not thrilled. "Oh great…"

_End flashback._

"So, what's the plan for today?" Ruffnut kicked her downed brother, trying to get him to get up.

"We should go to the lake so the dragons can get some food, Toothless is anxious to fly with friends too, so there's that."

Tuffnut got up and tackled his sister. "Sounds good, there's this place nearby just crawling with fish."

Hiccup nodded and sat down to wait until the twins finished fighting.

XxX

Inside to castle Elinor explained to her daughter what her plan was for the next few days. Needless to say, Merida was not happy.

"…first ye keep me locked in here fer three days an now yer sending camping with them jockers fer who knows how long?"

"Of course not," Elinor assured her. "Your brothers are going as well."

"Mum!"

"It will be a good opportunity to know those boys on a different setting. They could be your friends and you are not giving them the chance."

Merida started pacing around. "They could but they don' wont too, they jus' care about the marriage, an so do ye."

"Merida!" Elinor admonished. "We went thru this already. You will not wed until you feel you are ready."

"Ye say that, but ye keep pushing me!"

"Because you will never be ready if you do not at least try to be." Impatience crept on the Queen's tone.

"Try? Wot do ye want from me!?"

"I want you to take this more seriously!"

"Uhg!" Merida stomped once and walked off fuming; only stopping when a voice startled her out of her thoughts.

"Trouble with the folks?"

Merida turned around to find the man she saw at the beach a few days ago leaning casually against a wall.

"Wot's it to ye?"

The Viking put up his arms in a placating manner. "Simmer down lady; I'm just making an observation. I didn't have that great of a relationship with my father, so I know how annoying parents can be."

"An I suppose yer gonna tell me to patch tings up because she jus' wants wot's best fer me?" Merida crossed her arms. She already planned to apologize to her mother, she knew she overreacted, and a stranger telling her was just rubbing salt on the wound.

Knifenut shrugged. "Not really, these sorts of things have a way of working themselves out one way or another."

"An how did things worked out with ye and yer dad?" Merida challenged him.

"I stabbed that bastard in the back forty seven times." Knifenut closed his eyes, smiling at one of his fondest memories. "A man once told me that the best way to deal with a problem was to just cut down to the heart of the matter. What I've found out is that it's more of a stabbing motion." When he opened his eyes again Merida was nowhere to be found.

XxX

Hiccup and the twins were standing at the edge of the Loch watching their dragons mock fighting and splashing each other.

"So, anything interesting happening while I'm here?"

Tuffnut shrugged. "Not really. Aside from all the stuff Astrid's making us do, it's been pretty boring. Even Mildew's been laying low."

Ruffnut nodded. "Yeah, she's been working us pretty hard."

That worried Hiccup; one of Astrid's more admirable traits was the way she trained and prepared herself, and if that same attitude bled over to the academy training it could lead to possible misinterpretation.

Despite keeping the dragons a secret from the Berserkers, there existed other tribes; friendly tribes which shared their knowledge that dragons are friendly and can be tamed. The actual knowledge of how to tame and train the dragons belonged only to the Hairy Hooligan tribe, but the fact that dragons were no longer a threat as long as one left them alone they tried to pass along.

Hiccup narrowed his eyes, if someone from a friendly tribe where to witness Astrid's training regimen applied to an organized group and blab about it, it would add weight to Dagur's claims that they were building an army of dragons.

_Problems everywhere, yay! The question is, what to do about it?_

XxX

After much thinking and pacing, Merida found her mother working on a tapestry. "The campin's nae about me an the boys, is it?" She looked unusually subdued.

Elinor stopped working and held her daughter close, running one hand soothingly down her hair. "Once you grow older and start to fully settle in to your role as Queen, you will learn that rarely can an action, word or situation, claim a single motivation as its source. It will be your job to determine all the possible motives and repercussions of your actions and the actions of those around you."

Hugging Merida as she was, Elinor missed the look of dismay on her daughter's face. "Of course I want you to get along with the boys and I hope that this trip helps you in that regard. However, without their heirs and the majority of their troops within shouting distance; the Lords will not have the same commitment to saving face that they normally would. That should make them more manageable. The same with that Viking, without his children, Hiccup and the dragons, he should be easier to handle." _I hope._

Letting go of Merida, Elinor looked deep in to her eyes to emphasize the seriousness of her next remark. "But more important than all that, I do not want you anywhere near that horrible man." She let that sink in for a moment before continuing in a softer more teasing tone. "And if I have to send my daughter on a nice vacation with four strapping young men who wish to earn her favor, so be it."

"Mum." Merida blushed lightly.

"Do not be a bore dear; I was young once too. Remember that there is nothing wrong with looking and a little teasing, even you have to admit that they are not bad looking."

"Mum!"

"Besides, you do not have to marry any of them, I assure you. There are plenty of minor clans around: The MacGyvers, the McClanes, the MacDonalds, the Macleods, the Macbeths… on second thought we should probably let the Macbeth's out of this (2)."

"We are nae having this conversation!" Merida was mortified.

"Help me with this tapestry then. Since you will spend the next days running around the countryside while your mother deals with boring politics; it is the least you can do."

XxX

Soon after the Viking teens returned from the Loch they were informed them that they would all be leaving on a trip during the negotiations, much to Hiccup's relief; he was not looking forward to guarding the twins in a castle full of expensive items. Not that he would ever tell them as they could take it as a compliment, an insult or a challenge; and for the life of him, Hiccup was not sure which one would be worse.

As the group moved towards the front gate of the castle, Hiccup watched the proceedings with confusion. "Are we moving to another country?"

Tuffnut shrugged. "Don't look at us, you're the smart one."

"You will be traveling along with royalty, Master Haddock. Some needs must be satisfied in the best possible way no matter the situation," the Queen told him.

"But isn't roughing it the whole point of camping? It looks like half the castle is coming with us."

Ian wrapped an arm around Hiccup's shoulder in a friendly manner. "Do not burden yourself with such thoughts my friend. They come along to take care of the more boorish tasks, leaving us with more time to engage in more…" He glanced at some of the females. "Pleasurable pursuits."

After everyone had said their goodbyes and they departed; The Monarchs, the Lords and Knifenut Thorston watched from the castle gate as the rather sizable group shrunk in the distance.

Fergus looked at Knifenut curiously. "Yer about to enter negotiations in unfriendly surroundings with people who want ye dead, an ye send away all possible forms of back up or escape. Yer a reckless man."

"Says the man that took his wife to a Viking raid," Backstab shot back.

"Peace talks, remember?" Fergus mock admonished.

"Touché your Majesty, touché."

XxX

The caravan rode for a good portion of the day, until they reached the first leg of their journey; a stretch of forest usually used by the royal family for their camping trips.

Hiccup found himself edging closer to the forest along with Toothless as a multitude of servants went about preparing the camp, he was almost there when he was intercepted by the princess of all people.

"Can A talk to ye for a moment?" She seemed unsure of something which surprised Hiccup.

"Sure, what can I do for you, Princess?"

"Listen, A know A haven't been the easiest person to deal with since ye got here an…" Merida trailed off when Hiccup turned to look at his dragon when the beast unexpectedly tensed; it was almost as if it sensed something.

"Toothless? Are you okay?"

Toothless sniffed around a few times and growled before running off toward the forest.

"What are you…?" He turned to the princess. "Hold on to that thought for a second; I'll be right back. Toothless, get back here!" He took off too.

Merida gave an annoyed sigh. "An now he ignores me…" She followed them.

Hiccup chased his dragon as fast as he could; which is to say not very fast at all, since the princess caught up to him in no time. "Where are ye going?

"I have no idea."

When they finally caught up with Toothless, he was standing in the middle of a great circle made of standing stones. "What's going on bud? This is weird even for you." They were both stunned when the Night Fury started roaring loudly, as if threatening something only he could see. Hiccup snapped out of it first.

"Stop that! Those look like they're important. The Scotts are going to get mad at us."

"Wot is he doing!?" Merida had finally snapped out of her stupor.

"He is staking a claim deary." An old woman walked from behind one of the stone pillars, she was using a rope to drag log behind her. "It's been a long time since I've last seen an Areal, oh that brings me back." She sighed wistfully.

Merida's eyes were round as saucers. "Ye!" She pointed at her. "Yer that…"

"Woodcarver!" Snapped the tiny woman; pointing at the log she was dragging.

"Aerials?" Hiccup sounded perplexed. "You mean Toothless?"

"Yes!" She perked up. "An old name for an old race."

"Ye turned me Mum in to a bear!"

"I did no such thing!" The old woodcarver looked indignant. "Stupid unsatisfied customers, always complaining about getting _exactly _what they asked for," she muttered, "and you blew up my house! I know it was you!"

Hiccup stepped in before the conversation veered too much off topic. "What exactly would that mean? Staking a claim."

"Yes, a claim." She forgot all about her house. "The Aerials… dragons that is, are the natural counterparts to many tings we consider myth. They serve to keep many otherworldly forces at bay. People on the olden days used to believe that they guided the souls of the deceased beyond the veil that separates this world from the next, protecting them from those that would prey on them."

Hiccup nodded. "That makes sense."

"Don' tell me ye believed that." Merida wasn't so sure.

He shrugged. "Dragons have a very strong protective instinct, so I can see how people would think that. As for the guiding the dead thing… I don't know, I've never been dead before, been close a couple of times tough."

The old woodcarver cackled. "I haven't died either, so I can't tell you if that one's true. But they do keep the magical at bay; your little friend's show, is him using the stone circle to tell those that would listen to leave _you _alone."

"Well, Gobber's gonna be happy trolls won't steal my socks." Hiccup suddenly realized something. "I'm sorry, I never introduced myself; my name is Hiccup. Miss?"

"Call me Matty, its short for Matoya." She gave Hiccup an owlish look. "I like you boy; you're polite. Did you know that Red over there never even asked my name?"

"I've noticed that about her. Do you need help with that log?"

"Of course I do, these old bones aren't as strong as they used too."

"Hey buddy, are you finished? Can you give us a hand?"

Toothless strutted over to them with a smug expression on his draconic face and snatched the rope with his mouth.

"This way, sonny boy." Matty started walking away.

"So, what else can you tell me about dragons?"

"They keep the Fey's pranks from getting too out of hand, and also…"

Merida stood there stunned as boy, dragon, witch and log walked away, not paying her the slightest bit of attention. She huffed and followed them; if Viking boy got himself turned in to a bear they were going to blame her, she was sure.

A few hours later Toothless, Hiccup and an annoyed Merida made their way back to the camp.

"What a nice old lady, and such low prices too." Hiccup held up a wooden figurine of a bear wearing an apron and hammering away at an anvil. "Gobber will like this one; it will liven up the forge."

"Jus' wait till she turns yer family in to bears, that'll be a hoot."

They were greeted by Doric, who by the curiosity in his tone and the suspicious glance he gave Hiccup, they guessed he was asking were they had gone.

"We met an old lady woodcarver in the woods." Hiccup showed him the bear. "She's very good."

Merida glared at him and ran away.

Hiccup shrugged at Doric's inquisitive look. "Maybe she doesn't like blacksmithing bears?"

Even after a few hours of target practice, Merida had not calmed down in any significant amount. The worst part was she could not figure out exactly why; it was difficult to calm down when you don't know with any degree of accurately what you were mad about. A million little things bothered her and they were all starting to add up. She didn't want to be so mean with the boys but it was all so overwhelming and in the end her temper always won, she was intensely curious about the dragons, but whenever she got close to the black one when its owner wasn't around, it glared at her. Strange, considering it tolerated her brothers and let them climb all over it. Merida sighed; she had to find a way so that all those little things didn't get to her. She heard a noise and turned to find that one of those little things was walking towards her right now, trying to hide something behind his back and with no lizard in sight. She put down her bow and watched the skinny Viking.

"Listen, uh, princess. I just wanted to apologize for running off like that earlier and… well; I know things have been less than cordial between us and I guess It's kind of justified, even if I have no idea why that is…"

"Get to the point, Master Haddock," Merida interrupted in a tone Hiccup recognized as one the Queen used when she was annoyed.

"My point is that I'm here to make a peace offering." Hiccup showed her what he was hiding behind his back. A plate with a small rounded cake in it, a few blue berries on the side of the cake served as decoration, a fork on the other side completed the picture. "So, what do you say, friends?"

Merida eyed the pastry like it was a live snake. She backed away slowly, eyes round as saucers. "A, yes sure, listen, A agree with whatever it was ye said. Now if ye excuse me A have to be somewhere else right now, it's an emergency, dreadfully important. Good talk an all that." She bolted.

Hiccup watched the princess leave wondering what that was about. _I wonder what that was about_. He remembered Matty's words. _That girl seems upset with you laddie, younguns like sweet things, maybe you should buy her a cake. _The fact she started cackling immediately after saying that, should have tipped him off. Absently taking a bite out of the cake he grimaced. "Ugh, too much butter."

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(1) Wild boar or not, it wasn't stupid enough to attack Stoick.

(2):

The MacDonald clan: Easily recognizable by their paler than usual skin and bright red hair, the MacDonald's are mainly farmers and cooks, swearing allegiance to the MacGuffin clan; the MacDonalds have a blood feud with a King from a faraway land.

Clan Macleod (the immortal clan): A clan of nomads that travel the whole of Scotland, clan Macleod answers to no one, but despite of this, they have a surprisingly small amount of enemies; the reason for this is that they are incredibly hard to kill. Their nomadic lifestyle hardened the Macleods to the point where they can easily survive wounds that would kill any other, earning them the title of the immortals. It is jokingly said that the only way to make sure a Macleod is dead is by cutting off his head.

The clan is currently being led by two brothers: Connor and Duncan; in defiance with an ancient clan law, that states that there shall be only one.

Clan MacGyver: a small clan in service off the Macintosh's, mainly comprised of smiths and woodworkers; the MacGuiver's are renowned for their easygoing demeanor and their creativity. If you have a problem to solve, this is the clan to go too.

Clan McClane: An offshoot of clan Macleod that settled on Dingwall's territory. Foul-mouthed, wisecracking, no-nonsense and just as hard to kill as the Macleods; the members of clan McClane are well-known for their rotten luck and their ability to be in exactly the wrong place at exactly the wrong time.

Clan Macbeth (the cursed clan): Skilled warriors with a silver tongue and a knack for politics, the Macbeth's would dominate the political landscape on Scotland if not for a single detail. A dreaded curse on their destiny. Cursed for their arrogance by a trio of witches, the more power and influence a Macbeth gains the closer he is to his doom and the doom of those around him. One day, a Macbeth will rule over all of Scotland, it will be the end of him and his clan.

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Just as I promised this chapter was extra long just for you guys. You know last update I put my chapter up first thing Friday morning and by midday I was at the middle of the page, by Saturday morning I was on the second page! What!? Then last Friday I didn't update, and the fics from that day are still there! It's a conspiracy I tell you, a conspiracy!

Challenge time: Find the song and get a price, find the song and get a price. Ok, so I see no one has stepped up to the challenge of chapter seven. Well, I would like to inform you guys that the song from this chapter's challenge is from the same band.

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